start over again, for the first time

two days ago, i stood against the blue wall in the hallway of my apartment as my roommate took pictures of me in a black string bikini: front, side and back shots. when he asked me about it (“are you in a contest or something?”), i mumbled something about body for life and tried to change the subject. it’s hard to talk to him about any of it because he’s got a steady girlfriend now and all they do is eat and have sex and argue. so he’s got this bulk around his waist now and he doesn’t care because they’re together and she likes him for who he is. whatever. some months ago, he was trying to work out all the time and then he hooked up with her and now it’s like, why bother, she’s mine. he wouldn’t understand that i’m doing it for me, for my personal best. or maybe i didn’t feel like explaining it.

what they say is true: the camera doesn’t lie and a bikini does not forgive. at first i was a little surprised because it didn’t match what was in my head. but then i took a deep breath, got really objective and looked again, remembering the last time i stepped into a ladies’ locker room and flashing back to what i saw. i consoled myself, a little. i didn’t have any cellulite, anywhere, at all. no spider veins, no rolls of fat or excess skin at the waist, no lumps that made me look misshapen. curves were starting to happen at my waistline and my stomach held definition without me having my breath or something. i am a lot closer to my goal than i thought i was. and frankly, i look a lot better than i thought i did. i just look a little swollen, for lack of a better word.

i want a longer, leaner look. i’m giving myself until the end of the summer—september 22?—to get it. that’s about 7 weeks. if i lose 2 lbs a week, i’ll healthfully reach my goal.

wow. this seems do-able. i wonder if i’ll actually pull it off?

See more progress on: look good in a bikini