Ah, the legendary "unofficial" Oscars swag bag. Now that Joan Rivers is gone and the event seems so predictable, what's in the bag interests me way more than the ceremony itself. A week before the event, Distinctive Assets sends a swag bag to each nominee -- and yes, the host. All of its contents are 100% donated by the participating companies in the hopes that the rich and famous will use their products. (Hmph. I don't get the ROI on this one.)
Apparently, there's a lot of stuff in that bag. When it's value ballooned to well over $230,000 in 2016, they stopped flinging those numbers in the air and made pithy statements like it's the giving of the gift that matters. Actually, it's the product placement that matters. Because ultimately, the actor is a personal brand that has value as a commodity. Ultimately, it's all a marketing ploy. Lots of people figure out what product to use because their favorite famous person uses it. Or vacations there. Or whatever. What's ironic is that when you make millions of dollars per picture, you can easily afford to pay for all of it yourself.
They don't need what's in that bag. I do.
I've always wondered what's inside that swag bag. No, scratch that. I've always wondered what it would be like to get one. I love acting, I really do. I have no doubt that someday, I'll work a lot. The thing is, I'm not so sure I want to totally commodify myself. And the work that most on camera actors put in to look the way they do need hardly be stressed. Read more about that here.
Whatever. I won't believe that I've truly made it -- whatever "making it" is -- until I get gobs of free stuff.
Here's an interesting tidbit: Sandra Oh is the only actor to ever turn down an Oscars swag bag. (Ha.) And yes, they have to pay taxes on this stuff but that shouldn't be a problem when you're loaded.
Check out this list while I get my unbridled greed in check (and on a Sunday, no less!) and feel free to let me know if I've forgotten anything. But first, the highlights!
- Twelve nights in Tanzania for two: Single rooms at the Serengeti Migration Camp
(one of the top 10 hotels in the world) start at $695 and go up to
$1,178. The 12-night stay includes a journey from Arusha to Zanzibar on
private air transportation, all private meals, spa services, hot air
balloon safari with champagne breakfast, private safari guide and
vehicle, chef-guided cooking lessons, wild game drives and walking
safaris, horseback riding, and snorkeling.
- Golden Door Spa: A week-long stay at this legendary destination spa in San Diego will set you back $8,850.
- Healing Saint: A year's supply of products including a luminosity skin serum and a hair follicle stimulant that claims to prevent further hair loss, valued at $2,316 by Business Insider.
- Rogue Maple Syrup: This is perhaps the weirdest inclusion in the swag bag, along with sweat-absorbing underarm pads. This high-end syrup costs over $100 for a package that contains multiple small bottles.
- Koloa Landing Resort at Poipu:
This Hawaiian resort goes for about $330 for a single night in a villa.
The six-night stay in a two bedroom villa with an ocean view features the added amenities of an on-site spa and
- Avaton Luxury Villas Resort: Staying at this Grecian island resort would typically cost about $450 per night.
- Blush and Whimsy Magical Color Changing Lipstick: This product sets you back $22, but nominees won’t have to shell a dime.
- 23 and Me: A health and ancestry kit goes for $199, while just an ancestry kit costs $99.
- Lifetime supply of Oxygenating Foundation and Oxygenating Hydro Matrix: The foundation goes for $66 and the hydro matrix goes for $70.
- Epifruit: Nominees get a year’s worth of fruit deliveries.
- Proven Cosmetics: This brand uses artificial intelligence and machine learning to create personalized skin care products for consumers, which, in this case, are the world’s best actors.
- Reian Williams Fine Art: A commissioned original painting is available for all nominees.
- a commitment from Jarritos iconic Mexican soda to donate a pallet of soft drinks to a charitable event of the nominee’s choice.
- personal training sessions with celebrity trainer Alexis Seletzky
- ALLÉL DNA-based skincare
- BANGARANG Positive Cube
- Chao Pinhole Gum Rejuvenation
- Charleston & Harlow candles
- Chocolatines’ edible 16-piece jewelry box
- Cook Yourself Happy: The Danish Way cookbook
- Curlee Girlee children’s empowerment book
- Dandi Patch amazing underarm sweat patches
- Delicacies Candy & Confections organic & vegan lollipops
- D.Thomas Clinic Signature DNA Head-to-Toe Treatments
- Esther Fairfax Lotte Berk Barre Method private group class
- Face It makeup remover combo kit
- Halo, Purely For Pets 10,000 bowl donation + snacks
- Happiest Tee luxury t-shirts
- Hydroxycut Organic weight loss supplements
- Inception of Beauty 10-piece makeup brush set
- Justice For Vets Challenge Coin
- Kalliope NYC Phobia Relief Expert
- Liwu Jewellery inspired by ancient Celtic symbols and Chinese calligraphy
- Look Fabulous Forever Prime Collection
- Luxura Diamonds limited edition conflict-free diamond necklace
- My Magic Mud activated charcoal whitening toothpaste
- M·Y·O Cosmetic Cases
- MZ Skin Collagen Eye Mask and Golden Eye Treatment
- "99 Creative Wows – Words of Wisdom for Business Celebrity" Creativity Kit
- Non-invasive full face skin rejuvenation from Nurse Gigi
- No. 9 Daily Chemical Exfoliant from Oumere Skin Care
- A lifetime supply of Oxygenetix Breathable Foundation and Hydro-Matrix
- Paiva Aloe Gorgeous! luxury cleanser and mask fusion
- PepperFace, stylish pepper spray
- PETA Bath Bomb (for humans)
- Posh Pretzels gourmet gift box
- Quincy Herbals SlimMax Detox Tea
- Quip beautifully simple electric toothbrush
- Safi Kilima Tanzanite bolo bracelets
- Southern Wicked Lemonade all-natural lemonade moonshine
- The Green Garmento Gigantote
- TOTALEE hair care products
- Vaya Tyffyns stainless steel lunchboxes
- Wetsleeve wearable hydration on-the-go
- Youth Blast revolutionary anti-aging supplement