Thursday, September 05, 2013
Truth be told...
I can honestly say that a big part of the reason why my life is so scrumtrulescent right now is because there are certain people that aren't in it anymore. No wonder I'm finally losing my "happy" weight. Interestingly, the apartment is less cluttered and more organized. There's no drama, no strife, no games, no manipulation, no gossip, no contention, no funk whatsoever. My parents no longer call me every other week to inform me in no uncertain terms that I'm wasting my life and what I'm doing is garbage. (And yeah -- not getting those phone calls in the middle of the night still feels weird.)
I love my permanent boyfriend. I love my guitars. I love to make cool art. The lack of stress feels light and breezy, like a new kind of permanent inner tropical vacation. Wheeee!
My only real regret is that it took so long to get here. And that's nobody's fault but mine.
Now when stuff tips over and goes left, I relinquish it without a second thought, no matter what it is. The less I struggle to hold onto whatever it is, the smoother things go, the better everything gets, the happier I am, the more joy overwhelms me.
I'm still stuck on getting a right cross that's stronger than my left jab. I'm still figuring out how to play my own songs on guitar with conviction. I'm still trying to make the perfect hair butter. I am still learning how to sing.