running, running, running

i've been running on the 1/4 mile track in riverbank state park late at night for the past week or so -- around 9pm until they close at 11pm -- and now i'm starting to do it first thing in the morning, too. the weather is changing and i have to catch up and knock the winter chunk off of me or i won't be able to get into my spring/summer clothes. i'm convinced that the reason why i'm a size 4/6 is because i'm too cheap to buy new outfits every season. i have basics and i accessorize but basically it's the same pencil skirt and blouse i had when i showed up in this town.

and i'm not one of those "i can eat anything i want and be thin" people, either. it's a constant battle, it's an everyday situation and it's hard, hard, hard. losing weight and getting in shape is one thing but maintaining and keeping it all in check requires a whole other level of discipline. i don't enjoy the gym and i don't like running. it's work. sometimes its agonizing. most of the time, it feels like hard labor because i'm always pushing myself. but it's worth it, when realage.com says i'm almost 15 years younger than i actually am. or when i go get a check up and my cholesterol level is so low, my doctor gives me a double take and a smile, and then gives my hand a little squeeze. or when i toss out my clothes because i've worn them out or because they're out of style, not because i'm shopping at lane bryant these days. or when i go home to ATL and i'm with my brother damon and his three teenage daughters and we run into someone that knew us in high school and they think that i'm one of his kids. (that was priceless, folks. just priceless.)

none of this is vanity, you know. they won't let me in already because they don't think i'm pretty enough -- whatever that means. my logic is, i don't need to give them any more reasons.

last year i decided that as a birthday present to myself, i would have a picture taken of me in a bikini on the beach annually. i got a black string bikini and set the bar pretty high. it was worth all the running i had to do to get there, to look that good. so now i'm looking at myself naked and i'm thinking about my birthday -- june 30th -- and i'm counting backwards. if i keep running everyday and if i lift weights the way that i should and if i stick to my body for life regimen, i think i can get it all back in 6 weeks, even though it's a 12 week program. (and yeah, body for life really works.)

hm. maybe i'll enter their body for life challenge...