i've done the clean program several times before this but for some strange reason, my latest foray into the wide, wide world of eating clean is causing too many profound changes in my life. i can't stop decluttering and cleaning my apartment, for instance. i'm having a lot of epiphanies about my life that are exploding like firecrackers all over the place. my hair and my nails are growing like crazy. all good things.
i know that i've reached a fork in the road. no longer can i eat with abandon, the way i used to when i was a kid. i can no longer eat anything that i want and i can no longer eat without thinking. my stomach has changed. what i could eat then, i can't handle anymore. the startling thought is that maybe i never could -- and i ignored the signs that told me so for the sake of food, glorious food. if i want a healthy, lean strong body, i have to eat consciously and carefully from now on. i'm not going to be vegan obsessive about it -- just aware, whatever that means. this process is me figuring out what that means. right now it means rethinking how i think about food.
i'm kind of pissed off that food is no longer fun, that i can't eat whatever i want whenever i want and that all of this feels like so much work and sacrifice and discipline. but then again, i'm tired of working against my body. and i'm especially tired of carrying around this extra weight that's keeping me from wearing everything in my closet. i'm committed to my all around great health. so that's that.
here's the newest revelation: dairy is out. a
random piece of cheese here or there is one thing but chugging milk or
making an elaborate cheese plate for dinner is totally off my radar. yeesh! the things you find out when you do a little research...!