a post script

okay, i have to say this.

i write about the auditions i do because i do a zillion of them and blogging still seems like a great way to document the process. what this blog should be is a hot shot of reality for anyone who doesn't know what it's like to do this acting thing, for real. more often than not, i've learned the hard way that most people have this really convoluted idea of what being an actor is. you say you're an actor and they think of some movie star or some tv personality or some stooge on some sit-com, and and they think about how these bozos are all over the place all the time and why aren't i famous or on tv or in some tyler perry movie or something.

i remember when i moved to new york city and all these people i knew down south assumed that of course i'd be doing showtime at the apollo, so i could be on tv and wave at my momma. and whenever i'd talk to them, they'd ask me when i was going to be on the show and why hadn't i done it yet. that's what they knew. that's all they saw for me. that was their vision of what i should be doing in new york city. i had other ideas -- because like every actor, i've got my own goals and desires for my career and my life-- just like any other career anywhere else. every actor is different. and everybody doesn't want what i want.

that's why some people are perfectly happy whiling away their entire lives in the chorus of a broadway show. that's all they want.

the bottom line is that although there are a million and one variables that stand in the way of you and whatever you're auditioning for -- like, hello! there are absolutely NO black people in the cast of this show! -- get this, loud and clear: it doesn't matter if you have talent, or if you do a great audition, or if you're a massive star with the kind of charisma that can pull anyone's attention. it just doesn't matter. if it did -- if they gave the role to the person with the most talent and charisma, irregardless of race or body type -- there would hardly be any white people on broadway, at all.

there. i said it.

clearly, i didn't go to the spiderman audition so they could cast me as peter parker's girlfriend. but if they were to cast me in the show, what role would i get? think about it. they take ALL of their casting cues from the movie. aside from macy gray's 10 second cameo, did you see any black women with lines in spiderman the movie? were you hard-pressed to find any black people who were background talent? and this movie franchise is set in new york city -- arguably the world's biggest melting pot. so where were we? and if this is the case, then why would you expect them to put me in it? because miracles happen everyday?

i've got a lot of ideas that i'm growing, because i'm not very good at waiting for the phone to ring. while i'm growing things, i audition because auditioning is a skill that you have to hone constantly if you want to be good at it. and you have to be good at it and stay good at it, if you eventually want to get cast in anything. and that's only the tip of the iceberg. you have to be in a constant state of readiness -- vocally ready, and with all sorts of material prepared (if you can sing); physically together and ready for action (because what your body looks like matters); monologues all set to go for shakespeare and beyond. the more you can do, the more likely you'll work. and all of this requires coaching and lessons and workshops and workout sessions and study and so on. and all of that requires money.

don't worry. if anything happens, you'll hear it here first. but i'm not holding my breath. i'm actually hard at work.