Joan Rivers, we hardly knew you...

Love her or hate her, one thing is certain: Joan Rivers -- a first generation Russian Jew from Brooklyn -- was a trailblazer and a genuine powerhouse that became a hit on The Tonight Show at 32 and never stopped working.  Some performers hope for a victory lap in their old age -- a gig that allows them to step out into the spotlight and shine once more before they leave this world. Elaine Stritch had a wonderful victory lap. So did Alberta Hunter and Eartha Kitt.  Joan Rivers, on the other hand, was sprinting around the track of life and when she checked out of here, her career was on fire.  At the time of her passing, she had a reality tv show, a ridiculously popular youtube show (In Bed with Joan!) and a fashion talk show on E!  Nevermind her stand up comedy appearances, her must-see red carpet interviews for the Golden Globes and the Oscars, and all that  jewelry she was selling -- of her own design! -- on QVC.  She wasn't just working. She was culturally relevant. That's a formidable accomplishment.

She finished at Barnard College with a major in English Literature and anthropology -- which seems ideal, in retrospect. She's one of the few comedians that actually wrote her own material.  Actually, she wrote 12 books (!!!) and released several comedy albums. She didn't win every award out there but she was nominated for a Tony, a Grammy and won an Emmy in 1990 for her daytime talk show.  And she's the first woman to host her own late night talk show on network television.  Think about it: how many women have they allowed to take that coveted late night seat, to even co-host?  Can you name three? Unless I'm seriously missing something, Joan Rivers is the only one I can think of.

After a certain point, I made a point of ingesting as many biographies, autobiographies, documentaries and Behind The Music episodes that I could. Everyone's trajectory is so revealing and important, and teaches so many lessons about what not to do and how this business really works. A part of it is a history lesson but what I look for is the cautionary tale that's inherent in just about all of them. The documentary Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work is essential must-see viewing for any performer.  It's a glimpse into her work ethic and the anatomy of the machine that she built to propel her business of show forward.  And somewhere in there is the Joan that hardly anyone ever thought they knew.

Godspeed, Joan Rivers. What a fantastic life you had.  Long may you run.

Bernie Mac, may you rest in peace

i just found her and now she's gone

i found a new favorite comedienne in marilyn martinez, so of course as it turns out, she's been around for years. most recently, she was one of the latina divas of comedy. (what a franchise that turned out to be.) she passed away of colon cancer on november 3rd. i wish i could have seen her perform live.

makes me wonder who else i'm missing out on.

the kramer apology

everyone should see this, too.

rick shapiro, part two

rick was telling me about all the cool things that were happening for him. a part of him was frustrated, though, because nothing was happening fast enough. "i'm ready now," he kept saying. "my material is strong, it's fresh, i'm on. i'm so ready..." and then his voice trailed off. his friend sighed. a moment passed. rick said that every thing was his second chance at this and he felt nothing but gratitude. he was glad that it didn't happen the first time around. he was too young, too crazy. he wouldn't have appreciated any of it. he would have blown it if he'd gotten famous, he said and then he said, "i blew it on the way there." he wanted more. much more. and he wanted it now. his biggest lament was that he got the aspen comedy festival but he wasn't on the main stage. he also just did an indie. a small part but a significant one. and he was really funny in it, too, he reassured me. it'll be cool when it comes out.

after we talked about all of those ins and outs, i told him that there were a few things that i always kept in mind whenever i got impatient about my career. i actually got these tips from an interview i read in vogue magazine about naomi watts. as she explained the trajectory of her career, i had an epiphany. i realized that she was a person and that she wasn't born in the position that she's in right now. she had to move to another country no less (!!!) and rent an apartment and take class and get a busted car to get around LA in and figure it out like everybody else. and although she did it, she had her frustrating moments, moments when her manager would tell her, you're coming off in auditions like you're desperate and it's freaking out the casting agents, and she wouldn't know how to stop doing that. that is so real to me. and it didn't happen for her when she was 19. Or 28. Or even 35.

reading that article really took the edge off of the whole "acting" thing. i guess that's when i started to really concentrate on learning how to play the piano.

because it's going to happen when it's going to happen. and when it happens is out of my hands. there's a lot that's in my hands but i can only do but so much. my being frustrated and desperate isn't going to make anything move faster. the reality of it all is, it might actually slow things up. after a certain point, all you can do is wait. while i'm waiting, i may as well play the piano and write songs, and have a beautiful life instead of getting wound up everytime i see someone i know on tv or in some movie.

according to miss watts, the first really huge thing to keep in mind is, your career may not be where you want it to be but there is someone out there that would do anything to trade places with you, right where you are now. "you may not be on the main stage at aspen but at least you're going," i said, and i went on. "you're getting a lot of press, a lot of exposure. they're comparing you to lenny bruce. do you know how many people would love to hear their name connected to his in any way? i mean, how cool is that? casting agents on both coasts know who you are. how many times were you on colin quinn's show? you're in the union for cryin' out loud. you're a working professional. there are so many non-union actors out there. you think they wouldn't trade places with you, just so they could say, 'i'm a pro'?" i stopped for a moment. they both looked at me. "i can think of plenty of unknown stand-up comedians that i know that would push somebody in front of a moving vehicle to have your career. and all you can do is complain. how dare you. you can always do better but in the grand scheme of things, you're doing great."

rick laughed and then he mumbled, "i never thought about it like that."

"and here's something else to think about," i said. "no matter how long anything takes, one part can change everything. with one part, everyone can know who you are, you're on the map, you're viable. one part can make up for lost time like there was never any lost time at all."

more silence from the peanut gallery.

"the third one is mine and it's kind of enormous," i said. "but basically, you have to trust God. He knew you'd screw it up the first time around. that's why it's happening now. i mean, don't you think you're better at it now? don't you think you've got more depth? won't that first time screw up keep you humble and grateful?"

rick said yes.

rick shapiro

i ran into rick shapiro tonight as i was going into the starbucks on broadway up the street from caroline's comedy club. i wanted a warm dry place to eat my ranch fries. he was with his writing partner i think, another stand up comedian who's name escapes me but who, like most stand-up comics i know that aren't famous, looked vaguely familiar.

rick always looks as though he just murdered someone. whenever i run into him, he is always wide-eyed and scattered and brimming over with a fear so real, it's almost tangible. he's the kind of guy that walks around in the snow with his coat open and his chest completely exposed, absentmindedly thinking too much. it's a disturbed psychotic look that (nyc) girls like because the effect says dangerous and menacing which tranlates downtown as cool.

i don't see him that way. to me, he is extremely vulnerable and open and sweet, and very very sensitive.

i caught his act a few times. he's like a pit bull that's finally clamped onto the mailman's leg and he can't let go. as i watched go off on another one of his tangents, i felt compelled to look away but God help me, i couldn't. the mailman, screaming. the dog, biting. and me, watching. and feeling sick and wrong and bad for watching. but watching anyway. that's rick's act, pretty much.

i don't know where all that anger is coming from. when he's with me, he's a cupcake.

when i hang out with him, he's soft-spoken and polite and slightly neurotic. neurotic enough to be endearing, not annoying. he's very funny but in a casual, unaffected way. it's all very low key and sweet, which is strange because he looks so mean. sometimes his sentences come out in bits and pieces and i surprise him by stringing them together the way he meant to in his head but for some reason, couldn't say exactly. i did that a lot when we met. that's how we knew we were going to be friends.

when i'm with him, i'm really funny. or maybe i'm funny all the time and he's the one that points it out to me. he says i should do a rant, too. he encourages me to rant whenever i'm with him, just so he can hear me go off. write that down, he says. you could use that. to me, that's solo performance. i could try it if he was standing there, daring me to do it. the world of stand-up comedy is so brutal, though. and now everyone in nyc is about to go on strike. you wouldn't believe how much money the clubs make, rick said softly. his friend made a face and nodded solemnly.

what am i thinking? i can't do stand up. i've got enough on my plate...