This Week's Bio: Dusty - An Intimate Portrait of a Musical Legend

Too many people don't know that you can check books out of the New York Public Library electronically for up to 21 days and read them on a special app they provide -- or Kindle!

I've just begun this week's read -- Dusty, a biography on the British blue-eyed soul singer Dusty Springfield by Karen Bartlett.  Already, it's starting to freak me out -- probably because her self-loathing is so all-consuming, it's almost tangible.  She was this chubby redheaded sexually repressed/lesbian Irish Catholic girl named Mary who was obsessed with all things America especially Black music. She desperately wanted to be black so it shouldn't have been a surprise that one day she woke up and decided to be someone else.

Clearly, this will not end well.

I can remember hating myself a lot. That hate lived in me much longer than it should have.  Thank God I found my way to a great big wide world of inner peace and love or I would have hated myself too much to allow any real happiness or accomplish much of anything.

It's nice that the world got re-introduced to this song because of Pulp Fiction's soundtrack.

Billy Ray was a preacher's son
And when his daddy would visit he'd come along
When they gathered around and started talkin'
That's when Billy would take me walkin'
Out through the back yard we'd go walkin'
Then he'd look into my eyes
Lord knows, to my surprise

The only one who could ever reach me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who could ever teach me
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, he was, ooh, yes he was

Bein' good isn't always easy
No matter how hard I try
When he started sweet-talkin' to me
He'd come'n tell me "Everything is all right"
He'd kiss and tell me "Everything is all right"
Can I get away again tonight?

The only one who could ever reach me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who could ever teach me
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, he was, ooh, yes he was (yes he was)

How well I remember
The look that was in his eyes
Stealin' kisses from me on the sly
Takin' time to make time
Tellin' me that he's all mine
Learnin' from each other's knowin'
Lookin' to see how much we've grown and

The only one who could ever reach me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who could ever teach me
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, he was, oh yes he was

He was the sweet-talkin' son of a preacher man
(The only boy who could ever teach me)
Was the son of a preacher man
(The only one who could ever reach me)
Was the sweet-talkin' son of a preacher man

White Fragility 101 -- The Basics

Whilst traipsing through Black Tumblr, I found a phrase that encompassed much of what I've been experiencing all too often lately: white fragility.  A conversation about race begins and everything is fine until I say something that makes the white person uncomfortable. (And believe me, it doesn't take much.) That's when they become defensive or go into attack mode or they shut down and walk off.

As a professor of critical multicultural and social justice education, Dr. Robin DiAngelo -- the one who coined the phrase a few years ago -- is doing God's work.  Her book What Does It Mean To Be White? is on my short list. In the meantime, here's an excerpt from her must-read article White Fragility: Why It's So Hard To Talk To White People About Racism.

And yeah, it's virtually impossible to talk to white people about racism -- which is why white people who are woke should do the heavy lifting on this issue. It's more likely that other white people will listen to them.

The following are examples of the kinds of challenges that trigger racial stress for white people:

• Suggesting that a white person’s viewpoint comes from a racialized frame of reference (challenge to objectivity);
• People of color talking directly about their own racial perspectives (challenge to white taboos on talking openly about race);
• People of color choosing not to protect the racial feelings of white people in regards to race (challenge to white racial expectations and need/entitlement to racial comfort);
• People of color not being willing to tell their stories or answer questions about their racial experiences (challenge to the expectation that people of color will serve us);
• A fellow white not providing agreement with one’s racial perspective (challenge to white solidarity);
• Receiving feedback that one’s behavior had a racist impact (challenge to white racial innocence);
• Suggesting that group membership is significant (challenge to individualism);
• An acknowledgment that access is unequal between racial groups (challenge to meritocracy);
• Being presented with a person of color in a position of leadership (challenge to white authority);
• Being presented with information about other racial groups through, for example, movies in which people of color drive the action but are not in stereotypical roles, or multicultural education (challenge to white centrality).

Not often encountering these challenges, we withdraw, defend, cry, argue, minimize, ignore, and in other ways push back to regain our racial position and equilibrium. I term that pushback white fragility.

NEXT: Mouth Wide Open - Open Mic at Jimmy's No 43, 11/9!

I've been telling stories before I ever knew how storytelling was supposed to work.  Somewhere in there, a protagonist, an antagonist, a boy loses a girl and an apex comes and goes and comes again.  I fell in love with the idea of unraveling a story from the inside out, of seeing things from someone else's perspective, of getting lost in the possibilities. I couldn't help but wonder: what would happen if things went this way or she made this choice or those people didn't follow his rules.  I can let my imagination wander in any direction, in every direction, and I can shift things however I want.

It's high time I do something with all of the things I've written, so I'm applying for workshops, readings and grants for 2016.  When a friend invited me to participate in this reading at Jimmy's No 43 on November 9th, I figured, why not. Anything to get the ball rolling.

I know, I know -- they'll probably be expecting music, songs.  Either way, I'm a storyteller.  Writing is just another way to spin a yarn.

Random thoughts...

There's no theme for this month's NaBloPoMo -- which means its probably going to be a long month. I'll be wrapping it up for the end of the year. It's a bad reflex but I can't help it. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm working hard already to figure out what happened over the past 12 months.  Did I make any progress or not? 

I'm off to assemble this month's mailing. Until I plaster it all over social media, here's a few random thoughts.



1. Today is my great-grandmother's birthday. I am named after her.  She was a powerful influence on me.

2. It's also my brother Damon's birthday.

3. My brother Moniah's birthday is in 8 days. His birthday is etched in my heart because there was a massive countdown in our household to the moment when he was born. Usually when I took care of him, I was pretending that he was mine. Needless to say, I tried very hard to spoil him to death.

I wouldn't hesitate to bash anyone's head in if they tried to hurt him, then or now. And he's a gigantic tree, at this point. He's ginormous. He's been to Iraq and back -- but that means nothing to the police. Real talk, folks. If some cop hurt him, I would find out where dude lived and I would torpedo his house. I am not lying.

4. I love love love living out of a suitcase.  I love living in hotels.  I love being on tour. 

5. I am 40% fluent in German, according to Duolingo. It was kind of a kick, to walk the streets in Berlin and understand any of what was being said around me. It's going to take some work to get conversational but for some strange reason, I"m committed.

Happy Halloween!

From filmmaker Spike Jonze, handbag designer Olympia Le-Tan and director Simon Cahn comes To Die By Your Side, a beautiful short stop-motion film that happens in the famous Parisian bookstore Shakespeare and Company.

Bremen by day

WOW -- a gigantic #worldwar2 #German #airraidshelter in the middle of der #Burgerpark in #Bremen #webstagram #instalike #beautiful #webstalike #instagramhub #architecture #nature #naturelovers #forest #trees

A photo posted by Queen Esther (@thisisqueenesther) on Oct 9, 2015 at 10:39am PDT

Wide awake and dreaming in Berlin

#Berlin bei nacht. #graffitti #graffittiart #publicart #art #warehouse #webstagram #instalike #beautiful #webstalike #instagramhub #instagood #travelnoire #travel #travelnoir #Germany #globetrotter #moonlight #moon #supermoon

A photo posted by Queen Esther (@thisisqueenesther) on Oct 1, 2015 at 5:30am PDT

Sunday Sermonette: Say Amen, Somebody!

Director and producer George T. Niernberg's now legendary 1980 gospel film Say Amen, Somebody! is an epic must see documentary, if only for the chance to experience the legendary Thomas Dorsey in action as a choir director and musician at 83 years young. Christian music is a huge tree with many branches. Mr. Dorsey's take on gospel music combined Christian praise with jazz. It is blues based, it is explosive and it is most definitely infectious.

Before he came along, what did we have?  English hymns? Gregorian chants? This sound changed everything. I can't imagine a world sonically without it. 

Watching this trailer brought back a flood of memories. This was an enormous part of my Southern experience -- to be immersed in this music, this sound, day after day, week after week, for the entirety of my childhood. 

If you can't see the documentary, get the soundtrack.

Your MUST READ Drag of the Day

This is drag -- and a thorough one at that! -- is brought to you by (who else?) a black woman on Black Tumblr that refused to let some (racist) white girl get it twisted.  Enjoy -- and perhaps learn a little something in the process.

http://thisisqueenesther.tumblr.com/post/131668461756/kida-tiana-cherenoble-kida-tiana-some

Inspirational Tweet of the Day

Inspirational tweet. pic.twitter.com/L5xkzt9aha

— Tina Vasquez (@TheTinaVasquez) October 18, 2015

For the sake of clarity, here's my top five must-read articles to go with that tweet.

1. (Seriously, stop what you're doing and read this one.) White Privilege: Unpacking The Invisible Knapsack
2. The Male Privilege Checklist
3. Explaining White Privilege To A Broke White Person...
4. Two Privileged White Men Arguing Give An Unintentional Lesson On White Privilege
5. I taught my black children that their elite upbringing would protect them from discrimination. I was wrong.

Peony Queen

I am full of all kinds of beautiful songs that God sends to me in my dreams.  They flutter within me long enough for me to get them out of me and onto an album, so I can fling them out into the world by any means necessary. The better I get at playing instruments, the easier it is to get those songs out of me.  The thing is, they were there when all I had was my voice and a tape recorder. Thank God.

This is what it feels like when I sing -- ever blooming, ever exploding, in everlasting technicolor.

Flowers have their own language.  I instinctively embraced the peony awhile ago, as it turns out, with good reason. 

VERY Giant Steps by John Coltrane

Who hasn't seen this? It's John Coltrane's Giant Steps, animated and somewhat illuminated.  Because sometimes you have to see it to believe it.

I need a momentary distraction from a sea of paperwork -- rewrites, bits of song ideas and lyrics, applications for workshops and residencies, graduate school and my parlor guitar -- and this Star Wars trailer isn't enough to tip me over in another direction. 

One song escapes me, slowly.  I can't chase it down with food or a heady conversation or a butterfly net. A long walk shakes something else loose, some other idea. Another song to distract me, maybe.  I sing into a voice recorder on my phone and sing it to myself all the way home as it swings back and forth in my head. Eventually, I unravel it on my sofa. Sometimes, I write it all the way down. And somewhere in there, there are phone calls and errands and money to be chased down and tea and solace and sleep and sunshine and work to be had and worry and much prayer and fasting. Somewhere in there, there are rewrites and emails and all kinds of funk and deliberation.  But mostly, there are those songs that escape me slowly and more often than not, they drift off right as I'm going to sleep.  Whenever I feel a song coming on, I hold still in spite of whatever else I'm doing. And I realize whatever else I'm doing is making way for the song to (re)surface.  Kind of like the technique that makes way for "inspiration" as Stanislavski explains it.

Songwriting is always the momentary distraction.  Like a tightly wound bud that is sure to bloom into a gigantic peony, there is always a song somewhere in me, waiting to come out.  All I have to do is wait it out.  And in the immortal words of Tom Petty, the waiting is the hardest part.

Public Service Announcement of the Day: Memory

Let this sink in.
 

 

 

Pretty China Makes Breakfast Delicious

If you eat on pretty dishes, the food tastes better. (Try it. It's true!)

Here's a snapshot of my gal pal @chickinslacks and I at breakfast in Passau, Germany last month. I zipped through Europe for a few dates with my Black Americana outfit, lingered with friends for a week or so in Berlin and Bremen and had what can only be described as an adventure of epic proportions.  More on that later.

Find more shots on my Instagram page.

Fun eats whilst on the road: #beautiful #breakfast with @chickinslacks #tour #BlackAmericana #Passau #Germany #globetrotter #travel #travelnoir #travelnoire #webstagram #instalike #instagramhub #webstalike #instagood #foodie #food #foodporn

A photo posted by Queen Esther (@thisisqueenesther) on Oct 1, 2015 at 10:08pm PDT

October's NaBloPoMo -- DISH!

Again?

...so apparently, I'll be posting lots of pictures of china -- complete tea services, mismatched flea market finds, pretty plates and the like -- for your viewing pleasure. 

Stay tuned.

Happy Autumn, folks...!

Hey! I'm a singing chick! (Really!)

How cute is this?

Some months ago, I started doing voiceover work for the award-winning PBS tv show Peg + Cat. I LOVE voiceover work, especially animation. It's fun to pour everything into my voice.  When it's educational, it's especially gratifying to know that I'll be teaching children how to read thanks to Word World and yes, basic math skills thanks to Peg + Cat.  That kind of blows me away. My friends kids are watching, where ever they are all over the country -- and all over the world, really. My little nephews and cousins are watching. My 3 year old Goddaughters Evia and Avia are watching. Television is a powerful medium. I still love Schoolhouse Rock.

One particular episode is dedicated entirely to Billie Holiday, and is set in New Orleans for Mardi Gras. (As arranger/composer/musician for the series, Emmy award-winning wonder J. Walter Hawkes did brilliant work on this one.) I got to sing -- and talk! -- like Lady Day herself. I remember thinking, what a great way to introduce little tots (and adults) to an iconic jazz vocalist.  There were other moments that I forgot about, voiceover work in other Peg + Cat episodes that came and went that had me singing all kinds of things, and now they pop up inadvertently, like this little blip on Twitter the other day.

I am a work-from-home dad and I have all the Peg + Cat info you need pic.twitter.com/5gFplmzEcK

— Phil Dzikiy (@phildzikiy) September 10, 2015

What's cracking me up is, I think this little chick looks just like me -- if only for the way it's standing at a tilt and putting the flower just so.

Here's the song.



Cute, right?

Public Service Announcement of the Day: Grudges

Inquiring minds want to KNOW...!

The answer is yes. Apparently, it got hot and she passed out.  At least, that's what it looks like from here. Everybody can't take this heat.  Especially Snow White.

Now that summer is in full effect, everything feels like its coming together and falling apart at the same time.  All I can do is pray, work through rewrites, practice my guitar and stay out of the sun. At any given moment, I am glistening with the sweat that happens when you walk or ride your bike everywhere. (Not a good look.) A beauty day is a weekly requirement, an absolute must. My moments of relative calm happen in day spas -- the place where I do all this necessary stuff that used to be for everyone else, like getting manicures.  I feel some small slight shame in saying this but it's true: I leave my favorite hotspot and I think, If I can keep my hands and feet clean and pretty in this filthy little town, I can do anything. 

Here's my Random Top Five of Whatever that's getting me through this summer. (You're welcome.)

1. Amp and Guitar Wellness Center 
   I seriously love this place.  The name sounds like a spa and it kind of is. They do way more than sell and fix guitars. The atmosphere is super relaxed -- probably the only guitar spot I've ever wandered into where I felt like I could hang out, ask stupid questions and chill out -- and they know way too much about sound equipment and all kinds of gear.  I can even put stuff on layaway...!  And strangely, it's kind of a bonus that they're not in Manhattan.  I left there with a new Art and Lutherie acoustic guitar, feeling like I had my guitar guy -- the one who would fix my junk and set aside a cool amp for me and all that stuff people do when they look out for you. And what could be more special than that?
   
2. Ben and Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk Ice Cream
   Seriously, this is the best flavor on the planet: chocolate chips, white chocolate chips, chocolate covered almonds, pecans and walnuts in a surprisingly rich chocolatey ice cream. When I first came to the city, I couldn't open a pint without eating the whole thing, so I gave it up cold turkey when I started blowing out of my clothes sideways.  I've come crawling back as of this summer -- and now that portion control is my friend, I'll never leave again.
   
3. Marc Cary's Harlem Sessions 
   Simply put, this is a beautiful hang that has turned into a happening.  Unlike other jam sessions, there's a list of songs to perform. Every week, Marc gives everyone the creative space and freedom to do whatever they want. 
   
   
4.  Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Body Mist Sunscreen Broad Spectrum SPF 45
   Newsflash: Sun exposure causes wrinkles. Yes, so does alcohol and smoking cigarettes/pot -- but the sun does more damage than any of them.  (For more on that from me, click here.) I figured this out as a teenager and have been double dunking myself in a gigantic vat of sunscreen religiously every day before I leave the house. Even in the dead of winter. Even when it rains.  I have no intentions of damaging this good brown skin. The scrapes I got from being a kid were enough.
   
   
5. The Raines Law Room at The William Hotel
   This place is named after an 1896 law that was meant to keep New Yorkers from drinking.  (Fat chance.) It has all the things I love about speakeasies: a quiet, beautiful setting that's dark and rich; semi-private nooks; strong, well-crafted drinks; and -- last but not least -- food.  Not surprisingly, one of the bartenders is my friend and thankfully, he knows exactly what I like.
   This is a cocktail culture. Everyone should have a bartender.

...when white people are sick of white people's BS...

This brilliant, epic clap back on black tumblr should be forever reposted and boosted.  Because racism. 

http://thisisqueenesther.tumblr.com/post/122401725851/you-always-talk-smack-about-white-people-thats