30 days of birthday - day 8: guilty tv pleasures

i watch way too much television. i tell myself that i'm doing research as an actor because i have to watch what's on to know what's up in terms of casting and where i might fit in.  and it's true -- that's why i can write off my cable bill on my taxes.  i certainly don't watch as much as i used to when i was a little kid. but too much is too much. there are moments when i have to make myself leave my apartment and run a few miles, just so i can get away from the history channel. i've got some cool books coming to me before the end of the month, so that'll be a handy distraction.

i present these shows in no apparent order of course -- and with the express understanding that i am slightly addicted to the discovery channel, the history channel and the food network. so much to learn, so little time.

first up? celebrity ghost stories - seriously, i can't get enough of this show.  usually at night, right before i go to bed.



the second show i can't get enough of? the first 48 hours. if i had absolutely no talent whatsoever as a performer, i'd be a medical examiner.  every dead body is filled with clues.  they're as much of a detective as anyone in law enforcement. it's all just one gigantic jigsaw puzzle, putting all the pieces together to solve a murder.



then again, maybe i'd be a food historian. everyone is a chef these days. it's become so pedestrian. i'd want to know where everything comes from, what it all means, how it all fits together.  this spice, that vegetable.

last but not least? chelsea lately, starring chelsea handler. basically, she's this middle aged breezy blonde, a self-professed alcoholic who shoots her mouth off at random. and that's entertaining enough, i suppose.  she's obviously a hard worker and she's worth a lot of money.  good for her. for some reason, though, i began to pay attention whenever she would interview someone, probably because the dynamic was so stark, thanks to ms. handler's abrasiveness. its always interesting to see which starlets take control of the interview and knew how to handle her -- and which ones she simply runs over.

i also love the way ms. handler ran through 50 cent so thoroughly, he won't even discuss their relationship or the anatomy of what happened.  on the other hand, she talks about it whenever she feels like it.  this from the guy that takes a great deal of pleasure in denigrating women.

who doesn't love the hoff? what a showman...! 

30 days of birthday - day 7: byron lars

too many fashion designers have teams of minions, underlings, associates and co-horts that dedicate themselves to their fearless leader's vision, whipping together much of what floats down the runway each season. they are nameless and faceless, these hard workers. all too often, they are the ones who do the heavy lifting, only to watch said fashion designer sign and claim their clever idea. celebrity fashion designers are especially guilty of this -- everybody's got one! -- but who can blame them? it's a billion dollar industry and if you're popular, it's a more money situation.

byron lars is one of the only designers on the planet that actually puts pen and ink to paper and creates his own work. what he comes up with, season after season, is drop dead brilliant. anyone with half a brain in the industry knows that this is true.  the fact that he's a black man makes all of this even more salient. he is living proof that talent will out -- sometimes in spite of yourself or your circumstances.

there. i said it.

imagine my surprise when i met byron lars years ago after a gig at joe's pub and found out that he was a fan of my work.  he was there, time and again -- in the audience and swing dancing! -- way back when i was singing with the yalloppin' hounds, wearing vintage cocktail dresses and high heeled sneakers topped with a nigerian gele or a proper cloche hat or whatever else i could get my hands on. i figured no one was paying any attention to me anyway, so i may as well present myself the way i want and say what i want and do what i want. strangely, byron was paying attention. how cool! it's been a mutual admiration society ever since.

knowing him is a beautiful gift.

i love to wear his dresses because they are so tailored and womanly. they radiate confidence and elan in the most feminine way imaginable -- which, for me, is the ultimate powerhouse move. so many never realize this until its too late: as a woman, you are at your strongest when you are at your most feminine, whatever that is. you wearing men's clothing could be the thing that makes it pop in your world. or dressing up like an edwardian widow. i mean, seriously. whatever. we are all finding our way to it.

here's byron's beautiful wiggle dress i wore for the harlem stage 30th anniversary gala a few weeks ago. 

i once read a statement diane von furstenberg (another personal favorite!) made in 1972 that, along with that fabled wrap dress (which is hanging in the smithsonian, by the way) turned everything upside down in the fashion industry for some reason: feel like a woman, wear a dress. that pretty much sums it up for me. you might find me in a pair of jeans because i'm on my way to an audition or a pair of shorts because i can't box in a skirt (or can i?) but for the most part, i don't wear pants because i think diane is right.

every once in awhile, byron will spring a dress on me but the truth is, i'm always trolling the internet for his stuff.  everyone else is looking at porn. i'm looking for pie crust recipes and wiggle dresses. *sigh.* every once in awhile, i'll get lucky. this was the banner score of the moment: a long sleeved, striped, rayon/poly/spandex stretch blend wiggle dress with tulle overlay - new with tags. and NOT crazy expensive. whoopee!

"...happy birthday to me...!"

30 days of birthday - day 6: billie holiday

 i'm always giving myself books. today is no exception.

because of the billie holiday project  -- my show i'm writing/rewriting/reworking -- and the new idea i'm growing with dancer/choreographer francesca harper, my research on billie holiday continues. i've ordered yet another bio, another comprehensive box set and at the moment i'm listening to billie holiday: lady sings the blues, a beautiful npr jazz profiles documentary. i'm not necessarily digging for new information. i just want to be able to  read everything that's available. i'm constantly cross-referencing whatever i find against what i know and what i'm discovering. most importantly, i know that all of it will inform everything i create on this subject.



here's the npr documentary if you'd like to listen along with me, with nancy wilson navigating the listener through songs and interviews and all kinds of fascinating moments -- and abby lincoln as billie holiday herself, reading sections from her autobiography.

30 days of birthday - day 5: venus in transit

for nearly 7 hours starting at 6:09pm est today, venus passes directly between the earth and the sun. this transit will reoccur on december 11, 2117. no one alive on the planet will ever see this again, so i consider this to be a very special birthday moment.

if you don't have the right protective goggles to see it for yourself (a welder's helmet, maybe!), you can follow the live stream below for updates.

time to think about love and relationships.


Live stream videos at Ustream

30 days of birthday - day 4: june is black music month!

i have always believed that we africans of the diaspora have way more in common than we would probably dare to imagine.  music is just one of the many ties that bind us.  when i was in college, i loved juju music because it sounded so much like go-go music.  i met a lot of nigerians who agreed with me. i got to see king sunny ade when i was an undergrad in austin texas at the fabled liberty lunch. that was epic. one churning percussive groove after another, with absolutely no end in sight. he literally wore out the audience.  and so did the dancers. the only shows that i have ever seen that matched such heavy grooves so relentlessly (and that went on for so many hours, the audience left!) was parliament funkadelic.

when i fancied myself a budding journalist, i interviewed chief twins 77 for the campus' black student newspaper the griot. that was kind of a hoot. he was sitting there like a pasha, resplendent in these beautiful flowing robes and surrounded by musicians and dancers, and there were all these white people flipping out over his artwork, which was substantial.  one piece after another drifted past us as we chatted, with gobs of cash money changing hands and a lot of introductions and bowing from the white people and what not.  i didn't throw any cash around. nor did i bow.  at one point, he said that  i was a very pretty african girl. he said it flatly, in this really declarative way. he seemed to be genuinely surprised by this.  i have no idea why.

and then there was that time when that percussionist from chief ebenezer obey's juju band blurted out a marriage proposal instead of hello when he was introduced to me. he was beautiful, with a near perfect smile and deep scars layered across both of his cheeks. when i told him i'd seriously consider it if he gave me his talking drum -- an instrument that women are not allowed to play, under any circumstances -- he looked visibly stricken and scoffed loudly in his native language. later after he spent the evening onstage watching me dance, he reconsidered, joining me and my friends to dance with me.  eventually he returned to the stage and let me have the drumstick in this grand sweet gesture, declaring to the audience that he was going to take me home to his tribe. everyone clapped and screamed except me.

good times.

and no, i'm not a dancer. but when i was in the girl scouts, we had a black troop leader that was all about africa and black power and the soul in everything. i can recall many things we did for the community that involved african dance presentations with live drums and percussion. (one harvest dance in particular comes to mind.) it was a wonderful way to teach us about african culture and, in so doing, relate it to who we are as african-americans.  so when i dance, it's either jazz tea social dances from the 20s (boardwalk empire!), the lindy from the 30s or african dance. that's all i got!

needless to say, i forgot that june is black music month.  and because of chuck brown's untimely demise, juju and go-go have been on my mind and my stereo. for anyone who paused to wonder why the black side of dc grieved collectively last month when chuck brown -- grammy-award nominated guitarist/performer/legend and godfather of go-go -- passed away, the documentary below should set you straight.





...and this is a short informative documentary about juju music that explains it so succinctly, i wish i could use it to wallpaper my virtual world.

30 days of birthday - day 3: "...my backpack's got jets..."

i must say, i was profoundly disappointed that darth vader wasn't in attendance ad nauseum at the philly comic con. (i love that negro!)  actually, there was a dearth of star wars characters in general. everybody was way too busy flipping out over the avengers. lots of shirtless green children running around in flip flops. occasionally some little misfit from where the wild things are would pop up with a crown on his head, but no. no storm troopers storming the crowds. no straight guys with heavy duty facial hair dressed as princess leia. and no -- no darth.

thankfully, all was not lost. i did find boba fett.

don't be fooled. that gun was bigger than me. and his outfit looked real. a little too real, if you ask me. *sigh*

just in case you have absolutely NO idea who boba fett is, here's my favorite mc chris video that explains it all for you -- fett's vette. the first one has a vignette in the front that the drama queen in me just gushes over whenever i see it.

this one is just a straight up music video but the dancing sequences in it are so 1980s solid gold miss-jackson-if-you're-nasty, it's kind of irresistable, too.

i've had my star wars moments before, people. at this point, i'm way too much of a lady geek to not have a photo op with all of them eventually. (and yes, i'm STILL annoyed that i missed chewbacca yesterday.)

 stay tuned.

30 days of birthday - day 2: hair apparent

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." - Oscar Wilde

"The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely." - Carl Jung

Source: instagr.am via Queen on Pinterest

a bigger part of self-love and self-acceptance for me was coming to terms with understanding and appreciating my hair in its natural state. once upon a time, this hair felt like a curse. once upon a time, everything around me -- advertisements, pop culture, other black people -- seemed to confirm this. my hair was its own entity, a second person in my equation of me as individual. even my mother would call me and ask about my hair, as though it were someone else. what i did with my hair had everything to do with the way the world treated me. straighten it and somehow i was something akin to normal. let it go natural and i was a renegade, a dangerous and unpredictable element.  everything about my character was suspect and for some strange reason, i was considerably less attractive.

everythimg changed when, as a cast member of RENT, i was required to bleach the tips of my already short permed hair. it promptly fell out, of course.  in clumps. in a dream, i saw myself on stage in a silver lame gown, playing a silver national steel guitar that gleamed in the spotlight. there were cameras swinging around me. i stood alone, on a platform. i didn't own a silver national steel guitar, nor did i know how to play one. but that hair was kind of fantastic. i had to have it.

what was especially interesting was that my hair was done up in bantu knots, a style that i had never seen before. unable to find it in black hair care magazines (surprise!) i promptly went to a natural hair salon in midtown and described the hairstyle to all the specialists. only ONE of them knew what i was talking about - michelle london. i stuck with her like glue until she moved to philly a few years ago. she introduced me to chrissy j and the rest is history.

the thing is, the bantu knots are no longer enough. i want long natural hair. the thing is, we as black women have been taught that we can't have long hair unless we have dreadlocks -- and NOTHING could be further from the truth. i know that it will take years to get there, but thanks to the love, attention and good kind treatment i've been giving it, i'm off to a flying start. now that there is a wave of naturalistas out there and so many of us are transitioning away from permed/relaxed/chemically treated hair, it's easy to find community, information and advice on the internet. (and there's a TON of it.) natural hair is BIG business -- its funny how far off the mark the major beauty retailers/suppliers are on this one.

as it turns out, my hair really is its own entity. instead of ripping at it out of anger and frustration the way i used to, because it wasn't the hair i was "supposed" to have (and what was that, anyway?), i take a day or two (or three if necessary) to detangle, wash and deep condition it.  i am shocked and amazed by how patient i am. then again, love is patient -- so there you have it.

truth be told, i've become a product junkie (just became a vip member of curlbox and i'm about to join curlkit - yaaay!) and an alchemist of sorts, blending oils and such into the just right concoction for my hair and  experimenting constantly to see what works best for me from season to season.

if you are a naturalista like me or just curious, here's a listing of my top ten favorite sites. enjoy!

1. long hair, don't care - "the audacity to grow long hair"
2. black girl with long hair - "celebrating the dopeness of long hair"
3. curlynikki - "hair therapy"
4. be a think and grow chick! - (vlog) i love this sister. she is all about it!
5. think and grow chick! - the blog
6. coloured beautiful - the vlog
7. mahogany curls! - (vlog) i love this sister, too! she's a wonderful teacher.
8. naturallyobsessed.net - "a celebration of beauty, style and fly hair by kinkykurlyqueen" and it is!
9. natural hair community - a clearinghouse of information about natural hair
10. afroniquely you! - "you are intended to be: unique, free, beautiful!"

i've got a wall of guitars now, by the way. and silver lame seems to suit me...

30 days of birthday - day 1: gratitude

somehow, having some sort of a celebratory moment on the day of my birth -- june 30th! -- was never really enough.  awhile ago, i let it bleed all over the entire month, which isn't nearly as messy as it sounds -- but it can definitely be way too much fun.  the unfortunate truth is that sometimes, i have to plan my fun, just to make sure i'm getting enough of it.

my good time missive starts today, so help me jesus.

more than anything else, i am grateful to God for my life.  every single day that i wake up healthy and focused, in my right mind, overwhelmed with great ideas and the ability to make cool art is a precious gift from God that i can't take for granted.  every day is a gift.

apparently, i'm not finished yet. what's next?

this explains everything! (but not really...)

i know i'm going to sound like a gigantic hippie and no i don't believe in this stuff wholeheartedly but i'm going to say it anyway: venus is in retrograde from may 15 to june 27.  that retrograde action is a strange thing. every 20 months for about 6 weeks, the planet venus appears to be going backwards from our earthly perspective. 

here's where the rubber hits the road: retrograde motion means that everything pulls back and gives you a chance to deal with the area of your past that involves that particular planet. venus represents love and beauty, so that means if there are unresolved issues in your love life, they may resurface now.  circumstance is literally taking you back to the past, to deal with it and move on.  i'm thinking, i dealt with this stuff already. but if i had, it wouldn't be resurfacing, now would it.

this may explain why i'm running into certain people right now, why i can't stop thinking about certain people right now, why certain people are contacting me right now, why i'm insisting on reaching out to certain people right now and why certain people can't seem to connect with me right now.

ew.


it also kicks up a lot of dirt in your current relationships -- if there is any.

there's way more, of course. read all about that here and here, if you feel like it. the bottom line is, if you deal with your junk, you will grow exponentially. but that's true no matter what.

"Not being beautiful was the true blessing. Not being beautiful forced me to develop my inner resources. The pretty girl has a handicap to overcome." -- Golda Meir

sorry i've been so incognegress on this blog. i've been having slam dancing alone for the past few weeks.  it has been glorious.  somehow all of the percussive reconnecting and shutting down and running around and thinking too much shook quite a bit loose, thus inducing a dreamlike state of play that has allowed me to create and rethink and wander aimlessly internally, spinning yarns in this lackadaisical way that is more focused and intense than anything i'd try to muster if i sat still and tried and tried and tried. 

everything is so beautiful. there is so much love in the world. i am entranced by the wonder of it all. i'm sure that things will turn ugly but even that will have its own beauty to explore and demolish.  in the meantime, i will continue to tell stories, whether i'm singing or not.

now and always, the sun will shine within me. same as it ever did. something inside of me will continue to bloom and grow beneath the clear expansive sky in my southern soul.  it simply can't be helped.

at the moment, i'm gearing up for some serious fun.

since my birthday is in june, i've decided that all 30 days should have a celebratory event of epic proportions.  i've got to make appointments here and there but for the most part, this will be fairly spontaneous. that alone makes me just a wee bit giddy.  i have every intention of documenting all of it here.

one thing is certain: i will take risks.

and now is right on time

i've come such a long way to get to where i am now. it seems so random at first glance but every haphazard thing has happened for a very specific reason. all those solo shows i wrote and performed with so much joy and ease as i worked one crummy corporate day job after another.  singing with big bands.  my texas years.  my grandma says i would make up stories and act them out all over the place when i was no taller than her knee -- and here i am, making up stories and acting them out all over the place. have i really come all the way back around to where i was when i started? or did i ever really get up and go? maybe everything shifted and moved around me and i'm the same as i ever was, when i was three or four or so.  i can't tell from here.

sometimes the curtain is pulled back and i get to see a little more of the bigger picture than i thought i would. that's what happened last week during the performance residency at the apollo theater.

there was a moment when i literally lived through the rush and flow of my dreams coming true.  for once, it wasn't something that i realized later in a random meditative pause or an epiphany that hit me in the head like a hard pillow, or floated over my head like an imaginary light bulb, glowing with the promise of a good idea. because that's what usually happens. usually everything zooms by, like a fast train.  it's over and i'm overwhelmed and i don't know what happened. but not this time.  this time was fast and slow, like peckinpah. i could feel it all rip right through me and hit me before i hit the ground running and falling all at once.  to be in midair and to sing and to feel and to fall and to rise and to fall again. to stay on the ground and never touch the ground at all. it stayed that way. i think everybody got lifted.

i'm so happy, so relieved, so grateful. really elated that everyone embraced this new idea and wanted more. and i feel justified. i'm making the art that i want to see in the world -- art that empowers black women, employs black people and uplifts the race.

so now what.

now the world rushes in. gigs and money, off and on and on and on. dental work and oral surgery and pain most unholy and drugs drugs drugs -- thank you Jesus for the drugs.  on camera work.  guitar practice. voice lessons.  eating clean.  running in the morning to wake my body up.  boxing in the evening to wear myself out.  the steam room, the sauna.  losing enough weight to get back into not some but all of my summer clothes. copy editing from my couch, in my underwear.  wearing short wigs to hide my whoa, it's getting longer! beautiful natural hair. writing and rewriting, over and over again.  mental health days and beauty days and errand days and harlem nights.  soaking endlessly at spa castle.  finishing my album.  graduate school at nyu/tisch.  drunken tea parties and bar hopping uptown. long hangs with black girls who really know what's up. making art with francesca harper. live shows and burlesque and dim sum, oh my!

and as the world turns, i will work on the billie holiday project all over again and wait for another break in the ice. because a bigger part of what it means to make art is to wait. it's what i do while i wait that really matters.

The Billie Holiday Project 3.0 - a few thoughts...

although brad learmonth of harlem stages instigated all of this with an invitation for me to fuse billie holiday and zora neale hurston and perform at lenox lounge for the very first harlem jazz shrines, i felt compelled to take it further when i read zora's newly discovered harlem based short stories. i think farrah griffin knew what she was sparking up when she gave them to me. they didn't just speak to me -- they felt like some other part of me that i didn't know was there. i knew those people, i recognized them. all of me fell into those pages and got lost, wandering in and out of their lives.

it was a beautiful moment of discovery, to glimpse more of zora -- someone whose work is so fresh and unexpected and new with every read. these newly discovered stories haven't seen the light of day in more than 70 years. all of a sudden, the literary world shifts and realizes that perhaps they didn't really know her as well as they thought they did. if they are ever published and widely distributed, the rest of the world will, too.

i began toying with the idea of doing an album of billie holiday's rare sides when i started collecting various box sets of her work awhile ago and unhinging her earlier material. there was a ton of it. i already read and researched enough to know that she was more than the torchy, brooding victim in a gown at the mercy of a heroin needle with a heavily scented flower in her hair. everyone seems to recognize that image instantly and cling to it in this sometimes really insufferable way. like she couldn't possibly be anything else. in those box sets, i heard everything else -- ambivalence about love, so much hope and yearning, a good time girl and yes, sometimes even a sunshiny disposition that positively bounced with joy. great tunes, too. where was the tragic victim? why hadn't i ever met this billie holiday before?

to tell you the truth, i don't really listen to jazz vocalists. what i mean is, i certainly know who they are and what they sound like. i've done my homework, extensively. however -- when it comes to growing and refining my sound and my style, i listen to horn players because frankly, that's what those jazz vocalists did. and then i reach for my own ideas in the moment. louis armstrong sounds like a horn when he sings. he's not imititating another singer that's imitating a horn. he's not imitating anyone. but i digress.

i created the billie holiday project because i wanted to make the kind of art that i'd like to see in the world. i want my blackgrrl stories to be told -- and judging by the sold out run at the apollo theater this weekend, there's someone out there that would like to see them, too.

i hope that this will be the first of many performance moments -- for this idea and others. please stay tuned.

Great news, sports fans!

I just found out a few weeks ago that I got accepted to NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts MFA program – dramatic writing for musical theater. It’s a two year program, it is intense and it would mean fully immersing myself in the creative collaborative process. If all goes well, I’ll start in the fall. It’s a real kick in the head, just knowing that I made the cut and I’m bright enough and talented enough to be a part of such an illustrious program. I feel especially grateful – and sweetly relieved.
The application process was harrowing, in a way. Once I completed all of the paperwork (which was as thick as a small town phone book, and no I’m not exaggerating), there was an applicant’s weekend where we were arbitrarily paired off, librettists with composers, and asked to write a five minute script to song in a day from a list of about 10 prompts. yes, that’s right – we had ONE day, more or less. we met on friday evening, worked on our idea saturday and presented on sunday at high noon.
The process was unexpected, for me at least, but I totally get it now. The faculty needed to see us work under pressure as strangers because that’s pretty much what we’ll be doing in the program. You can’t necessarily teach someone how to collaborate – and collaboration is the absolute backbone of what they do there. It’s a bigger part of what creating a musical is all about.
That was trippy – sitting in the lounge area that Friday evening, listening to everyone introduce themselves and unravel their stories: where they were from, how they got here from there, what their lives were like, their hopes and dreams. It felt like the first day of school. Or something.
It helped a great deal that I got really lucky with my random choice when I was paired with Benjamin Gammerman, a recent NYU graduate from Long Island. He was pretty much bubbling over with snippets of little ditties at all times. He’s the kind of guy that can turn anything into a song. Not only that but he was open, friendly and willing to start working right away. An added bonus was that we both have pianos (in case we got stuck and couldn’t get to the rehearsal studios) but the real kicker was that he lived four blocks away from me.
Actually, now that I think about it, it wasn’t luck at all. God threw me a bone.
I don’t mind putting my life on hold to pull this off, if I must. I’m already writing musicals. This week has me in Harlem’s iconic Apollo Theater for a performance residency that will culminate in 2 performances this weekend. One of them is already sold out. (No pressure…)
I have always believed in having something solid and meaningful to show for my time, especially in a place like New York City, where one can burn through time exponentially without even realizing it. Two years goes by in this city in a matter of months. I have friends who are already figuring out what their options are for retirement, and they’re in their 30s. (Egad.)
The real work with graduate school? Figuring out how to pay for it. Stay tuned.

See more progress on: Go to graduate school

The next gig: "The Billie Holiday Project" April 13 & 14, 2012

With a cast that includes Francesca Harper, Charles Wallace and Keith L. Thomas, I'll be performing my latest idea The Billie Holiday Project at Harlem's iconic Apollo Theater's Music Cafe on Friday April 13th and Saturday April 14th. As of March 28th, the first performance is sold out and yes, there are still tickets available. (I think.)

I couldn't be more over the moon about this idea -- fusing Zora Neale Hurston's newly discovered Harlem-based fables about black city folk, stories that haven't seen the light of day since the 30s (!!!) with rare sides from Billie Holiday's early recordings. I want to reintroduce the audience to two black female icons that they thought they already knew -- something fresh and new and interesting from both of them, blended together in this really effortless way.

My goal was to create an urban version of George C. Wolfe's Spunk! I actually saw that production at the Public Theater thanks to my ATL pal Chris Adams, who took me to see it because he couldn't stop thinking of me when he saw it initially. At the time, people were constantly telling me that I looked a lot like Danitra Vance. But that's another conversation.

More updates later. For now, get a ticket if you can. It's going to be a fun night!

I must say -- seeing this on the marquee as I enter the Apollo to create some powerful black girl wonderment NEVER gets old...

geek vs. hipster: an infographic

so yeah, i've got a question: where's the infographic for the blipster? or are they called something else now...

From: BecomeCareer.com

Happy President's Day!

"...not all of the presidents were douchebags?" The more I read, the less sure I am about that statement. Here's three fun facts that you probably haven't considered today -- facts that have changed the way I think of many of our presidents. Something to mull over while you run to catch that white sale at the mall.

1. Twelve of our presidents -- George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, Andrew Jackson, Martin Van Buren, William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, James K. Polk, Zachary Taylor, Andrew Johnson, Ulysses S. Grant -- owned slaves. Eight of them owned slaves while serving as president.
2. Of all the dead presidents in your wallet -- Washington, Lincoln, Hamilton, Grant and Franklin -- Lincoln is the only one that did not own any slaves. Is it any wonder that ex-slaves wanted to honor Lincoln when you hear quotes like this from him? “I have always thought that all men should be free; but if any should be slaves it should be first those who desire it for themselves, and secondly those who desire it for others. Whenever I hear any one arguing for slavery I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.” (1865)
3. According to some sources, Obama is not our first African-American president. There are six presidents that preceded him who are said to have both European and African ancestry. According to the US government (and of course the one drop rule), that's enough to make them legally black. (Trust me -- there were plenty of folk who got harassed, beat down and lynched over that one drop. It matters, then and now.) Who are they? Thomas Jefferson (really?), Andrew Jackson (he was probably bipolar, too -- what a violent nutjob), Abraham Lincoln (no wonder he was so anti-slavery), Warren Harding (everyone knows this one, don't they?), Dwight Eisenhower (surprise! his momma looks like she could be one of my cousins!) and Calvin Coolidge (i didn't know about this one).
   

The next gig: "What A Little Moonlight Can Do" - A Tribute To Billie Holiday

Tonight I'll be singing in a Billie Holiday tribute at The Rum House (helmed by the cocktail slingers behind Ward III in Tribeca) with a trio led by Grammy award-nominated songwriter/pianist JC Hopkins. I'm in the process of developing a libretto that includes Lady Day's rarer sides from the 30s, so this gig is a fine moment to stretch out on some of that material before I present my work at The Apollo Theater Soundstage for the residency/performances in April.

I think The Rum House having a Bespoke Music Series seasonally is the hotness. They are the songs that you love and hardly ever get to hear live - and when you do, it's most definitely not as intimate as this. This place is so tiny, I'll practically be sitting in your lap with you holding my mic.

There is NO COVER for this gig - though I'm sure a hat of some sort will be passed through the crowd - in one of the hottest little "speakeasy" bars in midtown.

Here's the official blurb:

JC Hopkins leads a Bespoke tribute to the one and only Lady Day. Hosted by Jonny Porkpie, featuring JC on piano, Wayne Tucker trumpet, Dylan Shamatt bass, and vocalists Queen Esther, Dana Danger Athens, Cyrille Aimee, Wyndham Baird, Kiki Valentine and Sarah Elizabeth Charles.

See you there!

how green is my kudzu: greatest hits and near misses

here's the entries that are getting the most hits on this blog lately. enjoy!

1. your inner svengali - a few pithy observations on making the transition to on-camera work from theater/musicals. for some reason, this is a pretty popular post. not for the faint of heart.
   
2. why do i love dolly parton? - in my head, she's my mentor. here's why.
3. oh, lebron - remember that vogue magazine cover that featured lebron james and gisele? yeah, me too.
4. a two-fer! oh, terrence and terrence howard sings? - remember that jazz album terrence "baby wipes" howard released in 2008? yeah, me too.
   
5. grillin' in the ghetto - you do what you gotta do...
   
6. the war of attrition - the anatomy of an audition, this time for an industrial for state farm
   
7. a picture is worth a thousand words - my first national commercial shoot for ocean spray
8. black man fridays: geoffrey holder - 'nuff said.
   
9. the dr. king interview you probably haven't seen - this is from the mike douglas show, circa 1967: a fascinating chat with mr. douglas, dr. king and singer tony martin (do you even know who he is?) in the guest seat.
   
10. the black national anthem controversy - a jazz singer in denver, colorado sings the lyrics of lift every voice and sing over america the beautiful. bedlam ensues.
    

kurt vonnegut was right. (sort of.)

Source: twitter.com via Joani on Pinterest

i'm feeling especially grateful for my creative life -- all of it. i have no idea why this feeling of gratitude has covered me like a strange dark shroud. the epiphany that unfurled itself inside me the other day probably has everything to do with it. for some strange reason, that simple thought and all of what it really meant rattled me all the way to my bones. i'd certainly had that thought before but this time, it carried a weight to it that made it so profound, so overwhelming. all of a sudden, everything seemed divinely ordered. all of a sudden, in one bright moment, everything made perfect sense.

i realized that i didn't choose to be an artist. my early years were a series of happy accidents and strange coincidences and "lucky" moments that made me aware of a knowing feeling that grew inside me, a feeling that constantly reassured me that i am who i am -- an artist -- and that's all that i am, no matter what. my only real choice meant coming to terms with this information and deciding what to do with my life.

my most productive and satisfying moments came when i got out of the way and let God take over and give me whatever ideas i was meant to have. that's the way its always worked for me. i get out of the way and have a kind of blackout while inspiration takes over and works through me to make something wonderful. very stanislavski. actually, it was through method acting in performing arts high school that i learned how to get out of the way. more on that later.

when i first came to new york city, a beautiful dancer -- one of those stunning ailey acolytes, i think -- told me that it was a sin to have a God-given talent and do nothing with it. she said it in passing. it was almost an afterthought. i never forgot those words. in my darker more mundane moments, when i was working and working and working and (seemingly) not getting anywhere with what i was doing, those words would float back to me and drift just above my head, like a smoke ring. and i would keep going and then a breakthrough would sail into my life with so much ease, it would leave me breathless.

now i know that although mr. vonnegut was wrong -- you can make a living in the arts -- he was also so very right: every human being has a grand capacity for creativity and art. it can augment all of our lives and make them better, and make life much more bearable. so many apply their bright ideas to the most mundane parts of their world and illuminate them with ingenuity and verve, leaving light and love in their wake.

i'm not talking about haberdashers who use their albums and music videos and their ability to "beef" and start static to shill their clothing lines, alcoholic beverages and energy drinks. i'm not talking about fashion victims or fame junkies. i'm not talking about corporate tools or media whores.

i'm talking about creativity in its purest most elegant and accessible form -- something that we all have within our grasp as human beings. something that is there to give you joy within the confines of your everyday world. something that you can take further than that, if you feel so inclined. something that connects you to the divine in such a deliberate way, it's almost stultifying.

here's to my creative life -- and yours.

black history month for the shut-in crowd

more and more it feels as though the only time we have a moment to talk about our history collectively as a nation is during the month of february when there is an overwhelming amount of information, events, movies and more, specifically about us. by focusing on who we are and what we've accomplished and what happened, everybody else subconsciously begins to ask those questions about themselves. we all end up with a fat albert teachable moment of some sort. who knows? we all might learn something before its done.

what's especially painful is knowing that for many of us, this is all the black history we get - they don't teach it in schools because according to some, there's no time to include it in the curriculum. this should be an ongoing conversation. there's way too many of us that just don't know.

here's a question of the moment: why did we get the shortest month of the year?

i'm the kind of negress that celebrates my blackness all the time, so when february happens along, its not that deep in my world. for me, every day is black history month. i'm always reading biographies, watching the history channel, doing research, learning something new. this is probably because my mother taught me to read when i was three years old. by the time i hit kindergarten, i was so far ahead of the other students that the teachers would leave me in the library each afternoon, to read at my leisure. all the little munchkins who could hardly spell would wonder what i was doing over there amongst the big kids and the adults. i knew from an early age that if i wanted to know anything, i'd have to find out for myself. the teacher had neither the time nor the inclination to dwell on subjects that held my interest. needless to say, my questions were completely off topic, complex, annoying and ultimately disruptive.

ah, public school.

as it turns out, my vocation suits me completely. for an actor -- a good one, anyway -- a library card is your friend. everything is research. everything.

if you don't have a lot of money to throw around and you'd like to celebrate black history month from your couch, there's plenty to watch on television. i think (well-researched) documentaries are a great way to learn about anything. the unfortunate truth is, what's on television and what's at the movies is the way most people learn about a lot of things. you want to change the world? get on television.

there are quite a few interesting documentaries that are up for grabs on public television -- so many that it makes me wonder if they'd get this kind of attention if it weren't black history month. here's highlights of a few of my favorites. (check pbs for details.)

this one breaks my heart: being pavarotti. in it, a 13 year old boy from a shantytown in south africa is given pavarotti's version o solo mio and decides that he wants to be an opera singer.



produced by the national black programming consortium (NBPC), distributed by american public television (APT), and supported by funding from the national endowment for the arts, and the corporation for public broadcasting. afro-pop: the ultimate cultural exchange presents the south african documentary hip-hop revolution by female director weaam williams.



now this is the documentary i'd make on this topic - more than a month questions the very idea of black history month and makes a quite few interesting points along the way.



slavery by another name delves into what really happened to the slaves after emancipation. i'm pretty sure this one is going to break me but if you really want to lose it, check out the book worse than slavery: parchman farm and the ordeal of jim crow justice by david m. oshinsky. there were moments when i had to put that book down for days at a time because it was so overwhelming.



the making of the documentary slavery by another name -- a behind-the-scenes look. always fascinating, to glimpse how they put it all together.



hasn't everyone seen this? God bless those swedish television journalists, or there would be no the black power mixtape: 1967 - 1975.



the must-see american masters documentary cab calloway: sketches almost never was -- it was financed entirely by the french, with no american assistance whatsoever. may the world never forget how truly brilliant mr. calloway was -- as a bandleader, jazz vocalist and actor.

sunday sermon: "but if not"

i think it's important to make every effort to see our icons as people. it's always the same quotes, the same figureheads, the same perspective -- and that gets especially annoying each february -- so here's something completely different. i've never heard dr. martin luther king preach an entire sermon so i thought i'd post this one.

he gave this sermon at atlanta's ebenezer baptist church in november of 1967. the title but if not comes from daniel 3:18 in the story of shadrach, meshach, and abed-nego.

clothesediting

how is it possible that i have two closets filled with clothes and absolutely nothing to wear?

it's moments like these when i wish i could get rid of everything -- except my vintage clothes, of course. i've found every dress, every skirt, very very carefully. each item has a story to tell and a history that happened way before i came along, which is important. the past comes alive all around us, all the time -- even if it's within something as simple as what we wear.

according to tim gunn, it's a good idea to edit your closet seasonally but when i can't remember the last time i tossed anything out or at least made a serious donation to the salvation army, i know i'm in big trouble. this week will find me making the tax-deductible drop offs i should have pushed for in december. and it won't be pretty.

wish me luck.

"inside job" - your own private viewing party

"If you're not enraged by the end of the movie, you weren't paying attention." -- Mary and Richard Corliss, TIME



on february 11 and 12, move on members nationwide are having viewing parties for the controversial academy award winning movie inside job. great idea. nothing like a scathing, well-researched, quick-paced, award-winning documentary to get educated about what's really going on in the political world. this is the one that explains the $20 trillion dollar global financial crisis of 2008 in a straightforward, uncomplicated way, and names the politicians and wall street executives who were responsible for it.

i've been meaning to see this one for awhile now -- essential viewing for anyone who wants to delve into the anatomy of what in the world happened.

here's a quick summary:

'Inside Job' provides a comprehensive analysis of the global financial crisis of 2008, which at a cost over $20 trillion, caused millions of people to lose their jobs and homes in the worst recession since the Great Depression, and nearly resulted in a global financial collapse. Through exhaustive research and extensive interviews with key financial insiders, politicians, journalists, and academics, the film traces the rise of a rogue industry which has corrupted politics, regulation, and academia. It was made on location in the United States, Iceland, England, France, Singapore, and China.

here's an interesting interview on cnn with director charles ferguson.



if you'd like to host your own inside job viewing party via moveon.org, click here. if you'd like to see it via netflix, click here. if you'd like to see it online for free, click here. whatever you do, see this movie.

are we a nation of immigrants?

the third season of nbc's who do you think you are? starts on february 3. i don't know who thought this show up, but it's a great idea. it's important to remember that immigration has always been a hot topic in this country. someone has always stood at the gate -- not native to this land, of course -- eager to decide who can and can't be a citizen of this country, spouting the kind of hate speech that sounds awfully familiar nowadays.

case in point?

benjamin franklin -- a beloved founding father if there ever was one -- couldn't stand germans. he thought they were too stupid to learn english. (sound familiar?)

here's where he really sticks his foot in it: "Those who come hither are generally of the most ignorant Stupid Sort of their own Nation…and as few of the English understand the German Language, and so cannot address them either from the Press or Pulpit, ’tis almost impossible to remove any prejudices they once entertain…"

he also didn't like their "swarthy complexions" which he felt were an affront to the "purely white people" who originally settled america.

here's another tasty morsel: Why should Pennsylvania, founded by the English, become a Colony of Aliens, who will shortly be so numerous as to Germanize us instead of our Anglifying them, and will never adopt our Language or Customs, any more than they can acquire our Complexion.

what's especially sticky is that anglo saxons are descendants of northern and southern europe because really, everyone invaded the uk. the normans. those swarthy romans! the vikings. everyone. the irony is that before those invasions, germanic people migrated there in the 5th and 6th century. underneath it all, ben franklin is, well, german. but nevermind that -- here's where he really goes whole hog.

"(#24) Which leads me to add one Remark: That the Number of purely white People in the World is proportionably very small. All Africa is black or tawny. Asia chiefly tawny. America (exclusive of the new Comers) wholly so. And in Europe, the Spaniards, Italians, French, Russians and Swedes, are generally of what we call a swarthy Complexion; as are the Germans also, the Saxons only excepted, who with the English, make the principal Body of White People on the Face of the Earth. I could wish their Numbers were increased. And while we are, as I may call it, Scouring our Planet, by clearing America of Woods, and so making this Side of our Globe reflect a brighter Light to the Eyes of Inhabitants in Mars or Venus, why should we in the Sight of Superior Beings, darken its People? why increase the Sons of Africa, by Planting them in America, where we have so fair an Opportunity, by excluding all Blacks and Tawneys, of increasing the lovely White and Red? But perhaps I am partial to the Complexion of my Country, for such Kind of Partiality is natural to Mankind."

in other words, ben franklin thought that america should be a white land for anglo-saxons -- the right kind (according to him, the only kind) of white people.

nice to know that this little butterball -- author, scientist, inventor, musician, political theorist, diplomat, newspaperman and yes, international celebrity -- was also such a virulent and committed racist. i don't get it. he invented the first lending library. he was our first postmaster general. the started the nation's first fire department. he dropped out of school at the age of six so clearly, he was a genius -- and yet, his ignorance was (and still is) nothing short of breathtaking.

here's the kicker that's probably got poor richard spinning in his grave like a whirling dervish right about now: german-americans are roughly 20% of the population. they are the largest group of immigrants in this country. not wasps, not the scotch-irish. and no, not mexicans. germans. something to think about, the next time you wake up and put in your bausch & lomb contact lenses, put on a pair of levis, send your child to kindergarten (where they'll probably read a dr. seuss book) put up your christmas tree and sing o tannenbaum, grab a hamburger or a hot dog (with sauerkraut!), crack open a pabst (or just about any other domestic american beer you can think of) at happy hour, and go see johnny depp, peter dinklage, ben affleck, bruce willis, hillary duff, sandra bullock, leonardo dicaprio or meryl streep and a long, long list of other german-american actors star in their latest flick.

this country isn't a melting pot, with all of us melding into each other to eventually become one beige patch of racially ambiguous wonderment. (ew.) it's a salad, with each individual bringing their own unique flavor to the mix, and hopefully augmenting what's there and somehow making the world a better place. we should all know we are. we should all know our roots -- and be proud of them.

it's nice that the show who do you think you are? is so inclusive of everyone's ancestry. they can't go back to africa enough for me, in part because as the descendants of slaves, much of our records, documents, etc. have been lost or destroyed - if they were ever written down in the first place. for me, those stories are the most compelling because they are the ones that hardly ever get told. this is where a dna test can kick everything into overdrive. ah, technology. your blood will never lie.

that's why anyone that's a member of a registered hate group should be required to take a dna test by law. if they ever found out that they have african ancestry, they would probably implode with disgust. (heh.)

the phrase we are a nation of immigrants gets flung around a lot these days. it makes great copy but is it true? i'm not so sure. here's why.

• first of all, there were millions of people who were already here -- governing themselves, respecting the land and the animals in it, and living their lives as they saw fit.
  
• secondly, the europeans who came to this country initially were not immigrants. they were colonists from the united kingdom and the netherlands. the last time i checked, a colonist (someone who relocates from one british territory to another) is not an immigrant (someone who transplants themselves from one nation to another).
• last but not least, the africans who came to this country against their will to become slaves -- an estimated 645,000 initially and nearly 4 million by the u.s. census of 1860, over the course of 240 years -- were not immigrants, either. not by a long shot.
  
  

february: it's all relative

"Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That's relativity." - Albert Einstein



this month's nablopomo theme is relative - whatever that means. i'm always willing to blog without ceasing because like morning pages, it's such a wonderful creative trigger. something gets unhinged and new ideas erupt all over everything else i'm doing.

happy black history month -- though i must say, don cornelius' suicide is a rough way to start it.

this is so expensive - and it shouldn't be...

like a lot of people i know, i ran out of money awhile ago. i went into survival mode and had to drop my big plans to fix my teeth so i could pay my rent. many moons passed. as God would have it, i saw an ad in amazon local offers to get a free x ray and exam recently. time was not about to stand still for me. i knew what i had to do. i went in and got back on that horse.

so what’s the rush, you might ask. why are you pushing so hard to do this – and why now.

the truth is, healthy teeth and gums should be a priority for everyone. people with gum disease are almost twice as likely to suffer from coronary artery disease. my teeth and gums affect my heart – seems farfetched, right? not really. oral bacteria can get into the blood stream through infected gums and flow to the heart by attaching to fatty plaque in the arteries, contributing to clot formation and doing all kinds of complications: swelling of the arteries, stroke. and yeah, it gets worse. (yeesh.)

my overall physical health is a big priority for me right now. when i was younger, i could eat anything, stay up all night, not work out and everything was sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. i was a size 4 effortlessly. and now? to quote big maybelle, it ain’t like that no mo’. the bottom line, for me? if i want my face and my body to look and feel a certain way, i have to work for it. smoking (anything), drinking alcohol, recreational drugs – thank God that was never my thing. probably because i was too broke/cheap to pull it off. so that’s not a hump i have to get over. i’ve gotten rid of a lot of bad eating habits and for the most part, i eat clean. i exercise to the point of complete exhaustion every single day, thanks to my love of boxing. the body i had when i was in college is finally coming back to me. naturally, my teeth and gums should come back, too.

i don’t get it. people will put more time and money and attention into their car – check-ups, oil changes, shiny rims, sound systems – than they will put into their own health and well-being. they can’t tell you the last time they went to the doctor for a basic check up, but they’ve got 50 pairs of expensive shoes. they scoff at organic foods – “that’s so expensive!” – but they’ve got
a closet filled with the latest designer clothing. and going to the dentist? unthinkable. you go to the dentist when there’s a problem, when there’s unimaginable pain or when a tooth inadvertently falls out. you don’t just go to the dentist.

i don’t even want to get into health insurance rates, why we need a national plan, and how idiotic it is that we consider ourselves to be the greatest nation on earth but we don’t have one.

so here’s my current trajectory. i had to get my wisdom teeth pulled, which was earth shattering. there’s another round of dental work that happens within two weeks and then i wait for everything to heal and fuse with my bone. that should take 6 to 9 months.

once that happens, i get braces. i will probably wear them for two years. when the braces come off, i will have the beautiful hollywood smile of my dreams. more importantly, my periodontist says i’ve added 20 years to my life – and taken more than 20 years off my age – by doing this.

the good news? because i’m an actor, i can write off all the dental work on my taxes as a necessary work expense. so, there’s my silver lining.

see you in 2014.

See more progress on: get my teeth fixed (regardless of cost)

a teacher's prayer

i have absolutely no idea who wrote this -- but it's so beautiful, i had to repost it. enjoy - and happy sunday!

i've come a long way, baby

just when i think new york city has wrung the very life essence from the marrow of my bones, just when i think i'm done with this place because i simply can't afford to make art here, just when the fantasies of leaving overwhelm the dream of staying and staying alive creatively, something wonderful happens. i turn a corner and even though its pissing down rain and misery as far as my eye can see, the sun shines inside me -- relentless, insistent, defiant -- and everything shifts forward, everything changes and changes for the best. everything makes sense.



when someone tells me that i've wasted my time at any point in my life, all i can think is, why am i wasting my time listening to you tell me that? the truth is, there is no such thing as wasted time. not in the grand scheme of things. where ever i was, i was right where i needed to be, to change and become the person that God wants me to be. where ever i was, i was where God wanted me to be, to learn that lesson. where ever i was is a far cry from where i am now. everything is streamlined. minimized.



i am draped in bar chords. i wear them every day. there are bits of lyrics and phrases floating just above my head, just waiting for me to look up and scribble them down. pretty melodies are a luminous day-glo halo that never comes off, never goes away. and somewhere inbetween piano lessons and boxing sessions, i am gliding through the city in a shroud of humility and gratefulness. i feel a great deal of joy and sweet relief. i feel safe. i feel divinely protected. i feel loved.

God bless us, everyone.

"off the air" is off the chain

somewhere around 4am found me bouncing out of bed listlessly and crash-landing onto the sofa, where i decided to channel surf to get my visual bearings before i ripped into rewrites. adult swim is always a good idea, even when they're playing something i don't like. and i don't like a lot of what's on their top 10 list - although i'm slightly addicted to robot chicken - especially the star wars parodies - and of course the venture brothers. squidbillies is insane.

after a rerun of king of the hill came and went, some wierd grainy footage slid across the screen and imploded, melding into day glow imagery of an eagle. when that bird took flight, picked up a goat and tossed it off of a cliff, i was riveted. i don't know why. it was so violent, so completely unexpected. drop dead hilarious, somehow. and strange. very, very strange. believe it or not, things got progressively more disturbing from there: a vivid, mesmerizing, stream-of-consciousness visual rant on animals. at first glance, it looks like one big acid trip. i was almost tempted to think, maybe i'd enjoy this a lot more if i were on acid. or at least high. and yeah, it smacks of psychedelia but it's actually way bigger than that.

it reminded me of superjail, definitely, when everything goes haywire with a superjailbreak and they do their trippy sequences.



mpb thinks that the warden of superjail looks exactly like james habacker, the artistic director/costumed host of the slipper room. (yes, they're still in exile and rebuilding the space.) i think he's right.
off the air also has that stitched together local cable access feel of tim and eric: awesome show, great job.



this is a less-bizarre-than-usual trailer, but it's still got that high creep factor that makes me flinch involuntarily if i watch it for more than 10 minutes.

that's the other thing. off the air was only about 10 minutes long, but really - that's just about all i could take, especially at 4 am. it was so definite about how random it wanted to be.

of course, everyone doesn't get it. of course, there are those that do. i mean, hey. whatever blows your hair back.

on the other hand, your eye has to mature and develop and grow, just like your ear and your tastebuds and your reading level and your intellect and everything else, if you are to fully engage and experience whatever it is that falls onto your lap or your plate. if you do it right, you keep learning and growing. reading is fundamental to this process. so is eating clean - i'm convinced of it. some people don't get past the basics. for them, pollock is splatter, coltrane is noise, foie gras is just chopped liver and dostoyevsky is overwhelming. what's especially discouraging is that the system in this country doesn't really encourage this way of functioning in the world. the public school system doesn't teach students how to think critically and the powers that be don't exactly encourage it.

too bad that the more visually arresting stuff on tv is so hard to find. now if only there were more than two episodes of this freakshow...

the state of things as they are

happy new year, more or less.

i can't remember the last time i made any new year's resolutions. once i learned the difference between a goal and a priority, and then hinged it all on a deadline, stuff began to get done with a quickness in every area of my life. still and all, there is always the effort to stay objective, to stay open and to grow. because i don't like reaching beyond my comfort zone, circumstance almost always shoves me into the great wide open, kicking and screaming all the way. this year is no exception. the challenges keep coming and i welcome them, for all of what they will turn me into, much sooner than i think.

bad habits are falling away as good habits are falling into place. my daily ritual involves guitars and boxing, and a lot of writing and rewriting. and running. i absolutely drop-dead hate running. i love the stamina its giving me but God help me, i hate every second of it.

some days feel so easy, so forgiving. but lately, everything is so much work, so much discipline. even when i'm having a soak, i'm working that dead skin off my backside. but i'm fighting for the body i want and when i get it, i will fight to maintain it.

and that ain't all. but more on all that later.