Thursday, January 12, 2012

i've come a long way, baby

just when i think new york city has wrung the very life essence from the marrow of my bones, just when i think i'm done with this place because i simply can't afford to make art here, just when the fantasies of leaving overwhelm the dream of staying and staying alive creatively, something wonderful happens. i turn a corner and even though its pissing down rain and misery as far as my eye can see, the sun shines inside me -- relentless, insistent, defiant -- and everything shifts forward, everything changes and changes for the best. everything makes sense.

when someone tells me that i've wasted my time at any point in my life, all i can think is, why am i wasting my time listening to you tell me that? the truth is, there is no such thing as wasted time. not in the grand scheme of things. where ever i was, i was right where i needed to be, to change and become the person that God wants me to be. where ever i was, i was where God wanted me to be, to learn that lesson. where ever i was is a far cry from where i am now. everything is streamlined. minimized.

i am draped in bar chords. i wear them every day. there are bits of lyrics and phrases floating just above my head, just waiting for me to look up and scribble them down. pretty melodies are a luminous day-glo halo that never comes off, never goes away. and somewhere inbetween piano lessons and boxing sessions, i am gliding through the city in a shroud of humility and gratefulness. i feel a great deal of joy and sweet relief. i feel safe. i feel divinely protected. i feel loved.

God bless us, everyone.

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