happy valentine's day?

i know, i know. i had a happy valentine's day. i still can't believe it.

i wanted to be all bitter and stuff, like everyone else around me seemed to be, but to be completely honest about it, i just don't want anyone else in my life right now. not on that all-consuming, i'm-so-totally-in-love-with-you-i-can't-think-straight level. not even on that let's-spend-a-lot-of-time-together level. there's simply too much to do, too much that's going right, too much to be happy about, too much that's going on. i'm writing better songs than i ever have. i'm getting my body back. and wonderful things are happening for the cd. i know me well enough to know that a boyfriend would derail all that. and it's just not worth it.

i think that having guys as friends and goofing off with them will keep me from despising them as thoroughly as some women i know. for the forseeable future, though, constant self-improvement (as an artist and as a person) is my work, my body is my job and my career is my boyfriend.

anyway, i ended up going out on this completely impromptu date with this guy that i've known for, like, ten years or something stupid like that. we've been running into each other for ever, in the wierdest places and situations and stuff. he keeps resurfacing in this really bizarre way and in spite of all the junk that tends to swirl around you in the city -- career, lovers, whatever -- he's always liked me and he always seems to find me. he just came back to the city a few months ago from a stint on the west coast with some career hi-jinx and a long term relationship break-up. this time, he found me through my website. he's still in the same apartment he had when we met. ten years running is pretty creepy, though. hm.

i had way too much fun with him. i forgot how much i like him and how easy he is to talk to. good thing he came from out of nowhere and caught me totally off-guard. if i had time to think about it, i probably would have said no.