good news, sort of

i got picked for a SXSW showcase, thanks to Music Gorilla. i'm not so sure i'll go, though. read all about it here.

i'm versatile

every once in awhile, a voiceover gig would fall into may lap and i'd tell myself that i would make a demo and start my voiceover business for real. and then i'd forget about it until some other voiceover gig came out of nowhere and i'd go, wow, i really have to get it together and make a demo. and then i'd go back to whatever i was doing before. back and forth i went. you'd think i would have learned my lesson from the voiceover work i did in lackawanna blues, but no. it took a year of residual checks from that oh so happy afternoon in the recording studio with george and most of the cast of caroline or change that made me think, am i nuts or what? and then another gig fell in my lap: a musician who'd seen me with jc hopkins' biggish band found me via j walter hawkes for a PBS children's cartoon called Word World that had me playing "elephant" and singing a little song called "bit by bit" about putting words together. sooooooo cute. i was in and out in less than an hour and the check was lovely. and it was fun! hm, i thought. wouldn't it be great if i could do this all the time?

i'd been getting newsletters every month from dan and carol duckworth at AAA Voiceover Casting/Voiceovers Unlimited for God knows how long, so when their "january jumpstart" came around this year, i jumped on it. their total package is more like total immersion. they don't just help you put together a demo, they show you how to run your business, for real: classes to develop and maintain your skills, regular mailings to business contacts, seminars to teach you how to market yourself, workshops and one one one sessions to hone in on your weaknesses and strengthen them. everything is so goal-oriented. and i'm a compulsive list-maker, so that's going some, for me to say that. i loved the way dan kept referring to everyone as the president of our respective companies.

once i realized that recording at home to audition and take voiceover work via your laptop, garageband and a mic was the wave of the future, i thought, hm -- wouldn't it be great if i didn't have to leave the house to go to work? then again -- wouldn't it be even better if i could do this voiceover business anywhere?

dan said it in our first marketing seminar, but i've always known it to be true: most actors just call themselves actors. they don't know how to treat acting like a business. they don't know how to hustle, how to make it rain, how to generate work for themselves whether the phone rings or not. they don't know how to market themselves. here's a perfect example of what i mean: most actors don't do mailings regularly -- that means a postcard with updates every month, to keep everyone up on the latest things you've done, after you've sent a headshot and a letter of introduction. it goes without saying that you having all the talent in the world doesn't mean anything if the casting agent in question with the perfect gig for you has no idea that you even exist.

i have one friend in particular who is convinced that the postage to spend on such things is a waste of money. whatever.

all i know is, i'm versatile. and i'm pretty sure that's a part of what can keep the residual checks rolling in. whaddya know: i'm only a few weeks into this total package and i just found out today that an in-house corporate gig just landed on my head. nutty.

Chris Rock's election coverage

glumbert - Chris Rock's 2008 Election Analysis

white privilege, white progressives

this is a really well-written article that attempts to dissect the gender/race issue that's at the core of the hillary/obama divide. while i don't agree with everything it says, i think that this is the stuff that the media ignores and that we refuse to address. frankly, i can't imagine how anyone could think that black men in this country have ever had more power than white women, simply because white women have always had the luxury of white privilege at their disposal. once upon a time in our not too distant past, the word of a white woman could get a black man killed, whether she was lying or not. black men were killed for looking at white women. look at what happened to emmett till. and he was fourteen! nowadays, no matter how loudly they scream things like gender bias, that white privilege is always within reach.

it's an interesting juxtaposition: as a woman, claim solidarity with your sisters of color in the struggle, as well as oppressed people everywhere to "fight the power"; as a privileged white person, grab all the gusto you can -- and maintain the status quo by any means necessary because in the end, you know that it's in your best interests to do so.

and who did you vote for on Super Tuesday?

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White Privilege, White Progressives and the Audacity of Obama's Definition of Hope by Edward Rhymes, PhD

"In the highest halls of the state and federal government we have proven that a white woman can and does receive more opportunities than Black men."

In light of the comments made by Hillary and Bill Clinton in the past week, Roseanne's bigoted diatribe and the "racism-laced" New York Times op-ed of Gloria Steinem's, I felt it necessary to come out of my long writing hibernation to speak to these concerns.

It appears that when the stakes are high and the psychic shades are opened, many so-called white feminists and white female liberals run to the familiar confines of latent racism and white privilege. Let me make myself perfectly clear, in this writing I will not put forth an argument for or against Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton in regard to the presidency, but rather I want to offer a counter to the erroneous assertions made by the aforementioned players.

Darren Parker in his article “White Female Liberals aka ‘Progressives’” touches on an aspect of racism and white supremacy that is often overlooked: “The reality is that white women represent the second most privileged category of human in the US. In spite of the reality of sexism no category of man of color has the level of wealth, power, privilege, education, or control as white women.”

When Steinem writes something as asinine as Blacks receiving the vote after the Civil War and women not receiving the franchise until 1920 as some sort of indication that gender trumps race as the most crippling and restricting factor in American society, it should be a powerful eye-opener that white women, by and large, have not been our allies in the struggle for racial justice. Steinem’s ominous omission of Jim Crow is deceptive and irresponsible given that even as recently as the 60’s, Blacks were being killed for trying to exercise their right to vote --- prompting the need of the Civil and Voting Rights Acts of the mid-1960’s. To date, I can’t recall one white woman being lynched for voting or trying to vote in America.

Steinem goes on to say that if a woman ran for president with Obama’s lack of qualifications, she would not be taken seriously. In response to that I say: would Hillary be the U.S. Senator from New York and a possible nominee for the Democratic Party’s nomination for president, if her husband wasn’t Bill Clinton? The years of experience as the first-lady that she touts, is a privilege that 42 other women have had the opportunity to enjoy, none of which were the hue of Michelle Obama.

Over the past year or so the question has usually been framed as thus: Who would America elect first for President, a woman or someone who is Black? This is a misleading question and choice. The more direct question that we should be asking is: given a choice, would America choose a white woman or a Black man? If we look at this at the state and federal level, that question has been asked and overwhelmingly been answered. Thirty-four white women have been elected or have served in the U.S. Senate compared to 2 Black men since Reconstruction (Carol Mosley-Braun was the first and only Black woman elected to the U.S. Senate in 1993) --- presently, there are 16 white women serving in the U.S. Senate compared to one lone Obama. Thirty White women have served as state governors compared to two Black men since Reconstruction (the latest being Deval Patrick of Massachusetts elected in 2006). So in the highest halls of the state and federal government we have proven that a white woman can and does receive more opportunities than Black men to serve and to lead.

Additionally, since the economy has now come into play in this presidential race, let us take a look at the U.S. Census Bureau’s Population Survey, 2005 Annual Social and Economic Supplement. In it we see that white women ($32,683) outdistance Black ($31,732) and Hispanic ($26,921) men in annual earnings --- sadly Black and Hispanic women are the most woefully at-risk making 29,145 and 24,255 respectively.

Hillary’s allusion to Dr. King’s ability to inspire as compared to LBJ’s ability to make the Civil Rights Act a reality smacks of racism at its most pernicious level. The old Blacks “sho can talk” but are short on ability stereotype is very evident in this analogy. Once again, the acclaimed and much-heralded liberal Mrs. Clinton, like Steinem, ignores the racial realities of American history; that politics in America has been a game that almost has been exclusively reserved for whites until recent history and proves that when push comes to shove and white power and privilege is threatened, she is not above stoking the fires of racial prejudice. It is also important to note that in invoking the MLK and LBJ comparison she also resurrects the reality that after King’s now famous speech in opposition to the Vietnam conflict, he was referred to by LBJ from that moment on as “that nigger preacher,” --- in other words, “how could he do this to me when I’ve done so much for his people?” Sound or look familiar? This is further accented and buttressed by former President Bill Clinton’s reference to the 46 year-old, Harvard-educated, elected-U.S. Senator Obama as a “kid” --- coming dangerously close in tone and temperament to the familiar racist designation of “boy.” If the Clinton campaign wants to draw a distinction between the record and experience of Barack and Hillary, then that is a conversation that can and should take place. However, that’s not what I heard or felt in Bill Clinton’s words. I heard the arrogance of a man who believes because of Black America’s love affair with him (for reasons I don’t understand) he has the right to say to Obama: “know your place boy” or “wait your turn boy.” It is a tone and attitude that I am all too familiar with and the liberal label or the progressive tag does not make one immune to it (and if the truth be told, the Clintons have always been far more centrist than they ever were liberal or progressive). Furthermore, as I have stated in other writings, during the economic boom in the Clinton years of the 90’s, Black men were the only group who lost ground. And it also has to be further recognized that part of the Clinton legacy is a sinister capitulation to the racist characterizations and misrepresentations leading up to welfare reform and a less than lukewarm defense of affirmative action.

Even though the gains enjoyed by white women, were secured in large part by the struggles of the Civil Rights movement; it is this allegiance to whiteness that when given a choice to support their sisters and people of color (and their own self-interests as well) by keeping affirmative action measures in place, they invariably choose their sons, their husbands, their fathers and their brothers who have been enjoying the benefits of centuries of good ole American written and unwritten affirmative action measures --- in 1996 when Proposition 209 came before the people of California, 57% of White women voted in favor of it; in Washington (1998) 51% of white women voted against affirmative action and in the recent defeat of affirmative action programs in Michigan, 59 percent of white women voted to approve Proposal 2 (82 percent of non-white women voted against it) .

So in what construction, or rather reconstruction, of reality by Steinem, Clinton and their ilk are Black men wielding more power in this country than white women? Many white liberals and progressives have allowed themselves to be convinced by the hyper-exposure of certain Black figures, that a certain level of vigilance is no longer necessary when it comes to racial justice and equality when practically every indicator (economic, educational, health etc.) says otherwise; that the absence of fire-hoses, dogs, lynchings and burning crosses also means the absence of racism and the achievement of racial equality.

This brings us to the Senator from Illinois. Shelby Steele, in his interview on PBS with Bill Moyers, stated that to fit into the current and popular definition of Blackness, that many Blacks live an existence of betrayal to their own desires, ambitions and dreams while subordinating themselves to a group identity that is at its core “grievance-driven.” He went on to say that many Blacks manipulate and prey upon “white guilt” or the perceived need of absolution by many Whites because of America’s racist history. Viewpoints such as Steele’s have always been a perplexing to me and I believe there is a reason why such viewpoints are out of the mainstream of Black thought. It is not because we as Blacks have a herd mentality nor is it that we, by-and-large, expect something for nothing, but rather it is because it runs counter to the historical record, the facts, the numbers and our own personal experiences.

Moreover, if there are whites who are guilty of racism and bias; if there are whites who are guilty of enjoying the benefits of white privilege without examining the damaging consequences of that privilege, then I believe some level of guilt is appropriate. The murderer who murders; the rapist who rapes; the embezzler who embezzles should feel some level of guilt. Shouldn’t I, for the woman I disrespect or the man that I injure, feel some angst? By guilt I do not mean a pit of despair and hopelessness; or that whites should be beholden to me as a Black person in any way, but rather a guilt that spurs action and real personal and societal transformation. Guilt, at its core, is just another word for conscience. Dietrich Bonheoffer, Nazi holocaust victim, in his Christian classic The Cost of Discipleship talks about and details the phenomenon of “cheap grace.” His central point was that cheap grace represented forgiveness without requiring repentance (or a change of heart and conduct); an enjoyment of the consolations of absolution without restitution. I believe this is where we find ourselves today in the struggle against racism and the quest for racial & social justice.

Americans, for the most part, want an easy route to change or societal transformation in regard to race and racism; a “cheap morality” if you will, that pays lip-service to the virtues of equality and justice without any serious challenge of institutional & systemic racism or white privilege. It is a “cheap activism” that says “fight the power,” but avoids self-examination and an honest accounting of American society and history. I have never agreed with much Shelby Steele has said, but I do agree with him when he says that, for many whites, Obama is absolution. When his stance on the issues is closely examined, other than the color of his skin, what real change from the status quo does Barack offer? Obama, to his discredit, has helped to foster this cheap political and social grace scenario with statements like Blacks are 90% of the way too equality; class was more in play in Jena than race and the incompetence during Katrina was colorblind. This, by the way, should silence all those who say that Obama hasn’t talked about race during this campaign because he has, and what he has had to say is disheartening and has ingratiated himself to any and all who believe that colorblindness equals equality. And that is the audacity of Obama’s definition of hope, it is “cheap change;”he offers to America societal conversion without controversy. James Cone, noted theologian and activist, made a profound statement that lends itself to this paradigm: “…if America could understand itself as not being innocent, it might be able to play a more creative role in the world today. And you see, America likes to think of itself as innocent.

And we are not.” This is not about not letting whites off the hook, but about unfinished business and working until we have given our “last drop of devotion.”

Currently we live in a society where White men with prison records receive far more offers for jobs than Black men with identical records, and are offered jobs just as often -- if not more so -- than Black men who have never been arrested; where the income gap between black and white families has widened in spite of the gains of the civil rights movement (a key reason for the disparity is that incomes among black men have declined when adjusted for inflation. They were offset only by gains among black women); where mass incarceration of black men have decimated our communities. This is not an us-against-them clarion call; nor should this serve as a basis for hatred or animosity against any person or group of people. However, what I hope it does accomplish is a demand within the Black community for more. Demanding more of our politicians and elected officials; demanding more of white liberals and progressives who say they believe in racial justice and equality. Have we as Black folk been so spiritually devastated that we are willing to treat the mere mention of equality and justice as if they are the actual fulfillment of those things? That overtures, and only overtures, can satiate a desire for real equity? We have, in times past, demanded far too little and gotten exactly what we have asked for… far too little.

I know that I will be accused by some of pessimism and divisiveness --- especially in light of Obama’s declarations of hope --- and yet it still amazes me how merely stating the realities of Black folk in America elicits that same response from white folk wherever they are on the political and ideological spectrum, which is: “just get over it.” The harsh reality is that no amount of “can’t we all just get along” rhetoric is going to change the fortunes and everyday circumstances of the millions of Blacks in this country. So the questions still remain: do we as Black people have the political and moral will to accomplish the task at-hand and are white liberals and progressives truly committed to social and racial justice? The information provided in this writing is readily available to any and all who choose to seek it. So the issue is not my addressing of these concerns, but rather why aren’t more white liberals and progressives addressing them? What Gloria Steinem, the Clinton campaign and, regrettably, Obama shows us is that until white privilege is addressed and eradicated, it will continue to be the serpent in any and every Garden of Eden of feminist, liberal or progressive creation.

sister rosetta tharpe

i'm reading a bio on sister rosetta tharpe called shout sister, shout! that's really changing the way i see her as a rock and roll prototype and the way i see myself as a musician and performer.

look at how amazingly cool she is!

wierdly enough, she and i are a lot alike. we both grew up as members of the pentecostal church, in the sanctified church, otherwise known as C.O.G.I.C. we both had our first moments as vocalists and performers there -- although the image of her as a 5 year old standing on a piano and wielding a guitar is pretty stultifying. she's very much a holly roller and not surprisingly, she's a showgirl, a real comedienne and entertainer, a flashy, schmaltzy frontperson that believes in entertaining the audience. the photo to the left is pretty cool but in my favorite images of her, she's got on a long elegant glittery gown, she's wearing beautiful jewelry, she's flawlessly made up and gorgeous, and she's got a bonafide electric rock and roll guitar -- not some folksy, quiet, acoustic number.

i must say, i for one have never understood the urge to not dress up when appearing onstage. i'm the one that dresses up to get to the gig, so i can dress up all over again. any excuse to wear a gown of some sort -- even if it's denim -- and i'm probably going to take it.

in the videos i've seen, she's slinging her guitar with an authority and ease that's positively ballsy. and of course, absolutely unheard of, then and now. she's not a quiet strumming wallflower. everything about her is loud, from her amped up guitars to her over-the-top showmanship. and i love loud.

this is really inspiring me to dig in and continue to learn how to play guitar. but looking at the video clip below and watching her go at it is enough to make anyone want to plug in and rock out.

guitar-slinging blackgrrls have always been -- and continue to be -- legion. there are a lot of us out there to inspire me. (memphis minnie, anyone?)

now this is some news...

we all know that homosexuality is rampant in the traditional black church. in the congregation, in the choir, in the pulpit. we know this. any one of us that grew up in those enviorns can recall fond childhood memories of our favorite lesbian guitar-strumming, piano-playing youth leader or that lovable flamboyantly gay choir director. in spite of the church doctrine that preached against gay anything, these people were very much a part of our world. and if you're still involved in a traditional black church, they probably still are.

while the black church disapproves of homosexuality, and takes any opportunity to give it to the congregation straight (pardon the pun), i always thought that it was the epitome of ironic that so many members of the church that heard these anti-gay sermons time and again were as gay as an all-white liberace picnic. but that's me. the truth is, homosexuality is percieved of by the church as a lifestyle choice, not something that's in anyone's genetic makeup. there are plenty of ministries out there for anyone that would like to change but let's face it: coming out and admitting that you're gay is hard to do amongst black folk because, in spite of the fact that homosexuality is just one of many sins that the Bible mentions, it is THE sin as far as traditionalists/fundamentalists are concerned. so everyone stays closeted, or at least on the DL.

you want to talk about closeted? what about the pedophiles? i'd love to see someone do something about the priests and pastors and ministers and youth leaders that habitually molest children -- and for some reason, get rehired or get assigned to another parish or worse yet, go unprosecuted. but i digress.

instead of opting for a gay congregation, many black homosexuals insist on attending that traditional black church. and i think that's completely understandable. a bigger part of our culture and our identity as african-americans is wrapped up inside of those traditions, and many of us would hardly want to lose touch with them. so those who are black and gay keep tithing, they keep giving offerings. they keep singing in the choir and shouting in the amen corner. and yes, everyone knows who they are. and yes, no one says anything.

so imagine my surprise when i read about this sister who decides to "out" over 100 homosexuals in the collective choirs of her church via e-mails to the pastor -- one of the biggest black churches in DC. this started a chain reaction amongst those who were outed, so now the higher ups are getting called out. oh. my. goodness.

this is probably only the beginning of what could be a wave of traditional black church outings nationwide. imagine it: everyone outing every gay anybody. married men on the downlow, single men dating everybody, and everything in between. the orgies, the sex parties, the live-in lovers. this is pretty explosive stuff.

the real question is: once they're outed and everything's on the table, then what?

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Outing campaign roils D.C. black Baptist church
More than 100 members named as gay in e-mails to pastor, congregation
By LOU CHIBBARO JR. | Jan 30, 2:14 PM

One of Washington’s largest black Baptist churches was rocked by a female member of its choir who sent separate e-mail messages to the pastor in December and January outing more than 100 church members as gay, mostly male choir members.

The outings added to the inner turmoil experienced by a large number of gays who attend services at the 7,000-member Greater Mount Calvary Holy Church, located on Rhode Island Ave., N.E., according to a gay former member who provided copies of the e-mails to the Blade.

“I will be leaving the choir at the top of the year because 80 percent of the tenors are homosexuals and act more like a female in choir rehearsal than I do,” the church choir member said in one of her e-mails to Bishop Alfred Owens Jr., the church pastor.

The e-mail, sent in December, identifies about 45 fellow church members as gay. She sent a second e-mail to Owens on Jan. 2 identifying another 62 church members as gay.

“The following people I am asking you to monitor very closely and my prayer is that you will sit them down from their ministries,” she told Owens in the December e-mail. “Because they are ushering in the presence of sin, lies, a spirit of homosexuality and sexual spirits.”

She sent a copy of her e-mails to a Yahoo list group that goes to more than 300 church members, the gay former church member said.

The gay former church member redacted all of the names from the copies of the e-mails he sent to the Blade, including the name of the choir member who orchestrated the outings.

Officials with the National Black Justice Coalition, a Washington-based group that advocates for African-American gays, and the D.C. Coalition of Black Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Men & Women, said they have seen or spoken with people who have seen un-redacted copies of the e-mails.

“There’s no doubt that these e-mails included all those names and they were read by a lot of people,” said Brian Watson, president of the D.C. Coalition.
Owens and Greater Mount Calvary Associate Pastor T. Cedric Brown did not return calls seeking comment by press time.

Owens became the subject of media attention in April 2006 when he used the word “fag” in a sermon on Palm Sunday.

“It takes real men to confess Jesus as Lord and Savior,” Owens said in the sermon, which was recorded by the church. “I’m not talking about no faggot or no sissy,” he said. “Let the real men come down here and take a bow — all the real men. I’m talking about straight men … praise God that you’re straight.”

The church’s web site includes a listing of twice-monthly sessions of a ministry called “Breaking the Chains of Homosexuality,” which it says helps gays change their sexual orientation through counseling and prayer. Minister Dennis Sawyers, an expert in “ex-gay” ministries, is listed as the leader of the church’s efforts to counsel gays.

The former gay member of Greater Mount Calvary who provided copies of the outing e-mails to the Blade, has withheld his own name. He used the pen name “Jeff Hammer” in his own e-mail correspondence with the Blade.

He said Owens responded to the first e-mail by calling a meeting of all members of the church’s numerous singing groups. The groups include the Alfred Owens Chorale, the Sanctuary Choir, the Celebration Choir, Voices of Calvary and the Male Chorus, among other groups.

“He said he only wanted to help people who wanted help to not be gay and that he was willing to help anybody change from being gay,” the former church member said.

The former member quoted Owens as telling people attending the meeting, “The Bible says that wheat and tares grow together but there are too many tares. When the tares outnumber the wheat I got to do something.”

According to the former church member, Owens said, “I’m going to meet with all the people mentioned in the e-mail and use my discernment to figure out who needs to be monitored or sat down from what they do …”

“My name was not on the list in any of these e-mails, but I think it is horrible,” the former church member said. “We give, pay tithes, dues and whatever, and this is how we are treated,” he said. “This is discrimination, humiliation and just mean.”

Sylvia Rhue, director of the National Black Justice Coalition’s religious affairs program and a licensed clinical therapist with a doctorate in human sexuality, said she was troubled but not surprised to hear that a large number of gays continue to join and worship at a church like Greater Mount Calvary.

“We know that many of the gays that go there like the traditional setting of a church like that,” she said. “It tears at your soul. It has the potential of causing depression, drug use and other harmful effects.”

Rhue said the NBJC recently released a publication called “Guide To Welcoming Congregations in the African-American Tradition,” which offers suggestions on how traditional black churches can be open and supportive of gays while remaining faithful to biblical teachings.

Watson of the D.C. Coalition said he knows a number of gays who remain members of Greater Mount Calvary, something Watson said he finds difficult to understand. As someone one who was raised in a church-going family in Oklahoma City, Watson said he attended services at Greater Mount Calvary when he moved to D.C.

“I did not join because the views there are clearly homophobic,” he said. “But it seems to be one of the more popular churches among black gays … I don’t know why these people keep going back there.”

Rick Rosendall, a spokesperson for the D.C. Gay & Lesbian Activists Alliance, said he, too, was troubled over why so many gays would continue to attend and support a church that is less than welcoming to them.

“Our city has several welcoming and affirming congregations,” he said. “In the end, there is little that can be done for people who utterly refuse to respect themselves enough to stand up for themselves. If this particular incident wakes up some people and causes them to reevaluate their association with anti-gay churches and ministers, that could be the start of a salutary movement.”

The choir member who initiated the outing campaign at Greater Mount Calvary introduced herself to Bishop Owens as a deeply concerned member of the church.

“I am a female who has been a member of the Alfred A. Owens Chorale over five years,” she wrote in the first e-mail. “I have many friends in all of the choirs. However, people talk in my choir and I have overheard so many conversations, and pictures tell no lie.”

She added, “90.9 percent of the tenors in Sanctuary choir are homosexual. 99.9 percent of all the tenors in Celebration Choir are homosexual, including xxxxxx, but he is very undercover, aka, down low with his sex life.”

After naming more than a dozen men she claims are gay, she pointed to someone else she said was gay who “serves on the ushers board” and who “is always at gay parties drinking and drugging and is currently living with his boyfriend, Deacon xxxxx.”

She said another choir member “visits the gay clubs in the area weekly, i.e., the Bachelors Mill, the Delta, the Fireplace and Halo. He also attends private sex parties that male members of your choirs are having at their homes and
hotels.”

The gay former church member who sent the outing e-mails to the Blade also sent a copy of a separate e-mail from an outraged gay church member who was among those named in the first two e-mails as gay.

“I do not believe that someone would [have] the nerve to put my name to a list of known gays,” he wrote in an e-mail sent to Owens and members of the church Yahoo group. “This has gone too far, I am not going down by myself.”

He went on to name other gays, including some in high-level church positions.

“It is so bad that in the last e-mail we are turning on each other,” the gay former church member, who sent copies of the e-mails to the Blade, said. “Although I wanted to remain anonymous, someone has to do something.”

Leaders of two of D.C.’s largest gay churches, acting Pastor Mark Byrd of Metropolitan Community Church of Washington, and Bishop Kwabena Rainey Cheeks of Inner Light Ministries, did not respond to requests for comment on the Greater Mount Calvary outings by press time.

we are devo!

more than 30 years running and devo still packs enough of rock and roll muscle to get everyone's attention in this commercial, which is a take off from their video.

clearly, getting your music in commercials or movies is the way to go.

who will get your vote?

If you have questions about how the major candidates beliefs match up with your own, a non-profit group called Glassbooth has come up with a web site to make it incredibly easy to sort through all the noise. Their motto? "Glassbooth connects you to the 2008 presidential candidate that represents your beliefs the best. " Simply take a (surprisingly!) short survey on major issues and find your best match. It even shows you their votes on issues and policy statements.

And if you're not registered to vote, they can help you with that, too.

Pass this web site along to friends before their state's primary race. (They just might need it.)

Peru Negro!

who knew that peru had black cultural traditions? i didn't. africans have a global presence that has definitely gone undocumented/unresearched in latin america. out of a population of 23 million peruvians, there are over two million african-peruvians. we really are everywhere! peru negro, a 20 member ensemble that's sparked a resurgence in their homeland, are going to perform at the world music institute on saturday night. this dance company is considered to be a national treasure in peru?

i'm very curious -- especially since my friend and i may go to macchu picchu next year.

this is why i love living in new york city: because beautiful art in every genre comes here from all over the world -- sometimes to the exclusion of anyplace else. of course, having access to these things doesn't mean anything if you don't go and see them. and let's face it: most new yorkers don't.

how do you stop an avalanche?

objectification: In order to protect themselves from other people, people put others at a distance. This allows them to see the other people as things or objects that can be treated without having to consider their feelings (if I empathize with you and hurt you, I also hurt myself). When we objectify others, we strip them of their humanity and their individuality, hence objectification is also called depersonification.

i'll never forget my first trip to prague. i was fronting james blood ulmer's power trio "blues experience raw" and everyone on the european press junket was kind of foaming at the mouth about it. we were traipsing all over europe. the pay was good, the food was good. maybe i'd get to practice my bad german when we got to berlin. fun, fun, fun.

no one had to tell me. i knew that as an african american in europe, i was in a strange and precarious position that had me dangling between those pigeonholes of icon, fetish, heroine, whore at every turn. they know who josephine baker was. they watch oprah every day. they listen to hip-hop, to foxy brown. they readily assume that all black people are inherently ignorant, profoundly uneducated, inarticulate, violent, rabidly oversexed ghetto dwellers who listen to hip-hop, play basketball (or some other sport) and eat fried chicken by the bucketful. had they ever actually met any african-americans? the answer was usually a resounding no.

at first, i thought: if that's the vibe, why bother extending myself? they had me all figured out. nevertheless, i always looked for the moments that would connect us. i couldn't help myself. it's my nature to empathize.

i had never experienced prague and after careful research and a pocket reference language book, i felt ready to explore. as i unpacked my luggage, i flipped on the tv for some visual wallpaper. what greeted me was something so familiar, yet so wholly unexpected. i felt like someone brained me in my conscience. i slowly backed away from the set, perched myself on the end of the bed and stared at the screen for the better part of an hour in disbelief.

it was sanford and son, straight outta the '70s -- with all of those grunts, those oh-so-black attitudinal inflections, those mammyfied mmm-hmm that's right! yeah, chile! fill-ins -- in german. laugh track completely intact, of course. at first it was hilarious, to hear the way they "blackened up" the german voices. i remember meeting the mexican voice of james bond awhile back and having him explain to me that when it was time to speak espanol, his voice would always be attached to bond. i got a kick out of imagining some german guy as the voice of fred sanford. but after awhile, i felt embarassed, humiliated, freaked out. in retrospect, i think i was in shock.

all i could think was, everyone all over the world is seeing this? that wasn't all they were watching, either. they get all the shows from back in the day. and they love them.

why don't i love them? because much of it looks like a modern day minstrel show that, in its better moments, reinforces some pretty foul stereotypes. what scared me is that those shows were probably much of what formed ideas and opinions about me. i have to admit, it was pretty strange hearing some some white european someone used the "n" word on me a few days later on a gig oh-so-casually, in that hip-hop way, which of course made it okay to say it. when he saw (and heard) how shocked and angry i was, he blurted, it's hollywood! it's rap music! it's not me! and i was like, sure it's you. it came out of your mouth, didn't it?

and that goes double for hip-hop videos that denigrate black women. thankfully, they don't get BET in Europe -- yet. They have a viewership of 90 million in the US, Canada and the Carribean -- but those videos that are featured on BET Uncut in the middle of the night, the ones with the half naked sisters shaking so hard that their clothes fall off? those play everywhere. and they love them.

i'm channel surfing the other night and i see bob johnson, the black man that started BET, passionately defending hillary clinton with all of the self-righteousness that he could muster. i can't think of any self-respecting african-american that doesn't think this man isn't the scum of the earth, for more reasons that are fit to print. here's my top three:

1. bob has a long history of exploiting african-americans for his own monetary gain. he sold low cost programming that focused on sex and violence. that's a good business move because it makes him an enormous amount of money, but it's bad for the community. who cares? bob didn't. "I never really embraced that notion that BET was an heirloom that belonged to the greater black society," bob says. "BET was a business that had a great impact on African-American society, but it didn't belong to it. And so, my thing is that we want to contribute, we want to add value. But we have to operate according to the philosophy that you have to exist in a world where business decisions have to be made based on business, not on political notions or social agendas."
2. bob paid the people who worked at BET near-slave wages. again, if you're in it to make a lot of money, this can be construed as a good business move. this was bob's approach. "i'm in business to make money," says bob. and he has. he sold BET to Viacom in 2000 for 3 billion dollars, becoming the first black billionaire, at least stateside. think about all of the natural resources and untold riches in africa, and so i consider shaka zulu and many other great african leaders to be billionaires many times over. but that's me.
   
3. how can Viacom -- white owned and operated -- run the only black network on tv? by using the same formula that bob has so carefully built. sure, gangsta rap saved the music industry in the 90s. some of what they created -- like NWA's Fuck Tha Police -- was powerful and relevant and necessary. but then somewhere in there, everyone began to believe that the use of the "n" word, the violence, the materialism, the objectification of black women that rap and hip-hop sold to the world as art was actually black culture. and because everyone loved hip-hop and rap so much, it became something that everyone wanted to emulate. (white) people who consider themselves to be "down" with hip-hop use the "n" word all the time, whether they're talking about black people or themselves. black women are casually described as 'hos on nationally syndicated radio programs. the black beauty paradigm has shifted away from natural beauty to what's video ready. the houses, the cars, the money, the appearance of wealth -- this has spawned a cottage industry of its own, from pimp my ride to MTV cribs to CMTs trick my truck. it's a lifestyle. though he would scarcely acknowledge it, this is bob johnson's real legacy.

everything slid into this money-making abyss that left no room for anything but shuckin' and jivin,' because that's what brought in such huge capital and making money is all that any of these people cared about. especially bob. the snowball of 2ost century minstrelsy in media that started with al jolson and stepin fetchit and amos and andy kept rolling down the hill with good times and sanford and son until it became a BET avalanche. interestingly, no one knows how to stop one. you kind of have to let them stop themselves.

who knows if that avalanche is going to bury us as a people or not. it definitely feels like it will, whenever i deal with someone who'd rather objectify me than empathize.

sex tourism

this is an old story (it came out last november -- i thought i'd post it anyway) but not really. sex tourism has probably been around ever since someone invented the word "vacation." evidently, this sort of thing has been going strong in the west indies for quite some time. i fell into a conversation about it with a jamaican who told me that sex with the natives was the reason why lots of people travel to the carribean and it's an important part of their economies. once i did a little research, i realized that this was true of a lot of places all over the (third) world. but female sex tourism was something that i wasn't aware of. has anyone but me and a few of my friends seen the movie about female sex tourism in haiti called heading south? and hey -- what about how stella got her groove back? wasn't stella a sexual tourist in jamaica, an older woman of means looking to check out the "local talent," and then unwittingly scoring with that coveted beautiful younger man? the only difference is that stella took her prize home -- with disastrous results.

the world expects black women to be sexually demonstrative and aggressive but when white women behave that way, everyone gets nervous. clearly, the white female version of sex tourism is especially taboo. when the "white woman as sexual predator" concept makes everyone rethink the notion of sex with barely legal tender after turning a blind eye to the white male pedophiles who frequent southeast asia, it gives one pause to wonder.

would this be as offensive if it were white men pursuing african girls? is (white) female sexuality really that intimidating or disgusting? or maybe it's the fact that they're so blatant about it. i imagine that with a stronger European economy, we'll be reading more stories like this -- especially in other parts of Africa and with younger people.

------------------------------------------------------------------------


Older White Women Join Kenya's Sex Tourists
1 in 5 wealthy female travelers in search of young men, locals estimate


By Jeremy Clarke


MOMBASA, Kenya (Reuters) - Bethan, 56, lives in southern England on the same street as best friend Allie, 64.


They are on their first holiday to Kenya, a country they say is "just full of big young boys who like us older girls."


Hard figures are difficult to come by, but local people on the coast estimate that as many as one in five single women visiting from rich countries are in search of sex.


Allie and Bethan -- who both declined to give their full names -- said they planned to spend a whole month touring Kenya's palm-fringed beaches. They would do well to avoid the country's tourism officials.


"It's not evil," said Jake Grieves-Cook, chairman of the Kenya Tourist Board, when asked about the practice of older rich women traveling for sex with young Kenyan men.


"But it's certainly something we frown upon."


Also, the health risks are stark in a country with an AIDS prevalence of 6.9 percent. Although condom use can only be guessed at, Julia Davidson, an academic at Nottingham University who writes on sex tourism, said that in the course of her research she had met women who shunned condoms -- finding them too "businesslike" for their exotic fantasies.


The white beaches of the Indian Ocean coast stretched before the friends as they both walked arm-in-arm with young African men, Allie resting her white haired-head on the shoulder of her companion, a six-foot-four 23-year-old from the Maasai tribe.


He wore new sunglasses he said were a gift from her.


"We both get something we want -- where's the negative?" Allie asked in a bar later, nursing a strong, golden cocktail.


She was still wearing her bikini top, having just pulled on a pair of jeans and a necklace of traditional African beads.


Bethan sipped the same local drink: a powerful mix of honey, fresh limes and vodka known locally as "Dawa," or "medicine."


She kept one eye on her date -- a 20-year-old playing pool, a red bandana tying back dreadlocks and new-looking sports shoes on his feet.


He looked up and came to join her at the table, kissing her, then collecting more coins for the pool game.


"JUST UNWHOLESOME"


Grieves-Cook and many hotel managers say they are doing all they can to discourage the practice of older women picking up local boys, arguing it is far from the type of tourism they want to encourage in the east African nation.


"The head of a local hoteliers' association told me they have begun taking measures -- like refusing guests who want to change from a single to a double room," Grieves-Cook said.
"It's about trying to make those guests feel as uncomfortable as possible ... But it's a fine line. We are 100 percent against anything illegal, such as prostitution. But it's different with something like this -- it's just unwholesome."


These same beaches have long been notorious for attracting another type of sex tourists -- those who abuse children.


As many as 15,000 girls in four coastal districts -- about a third of all 12-18 year-olds girls there -- are involved in casual sex for cash, a joint study by Kenya's government and U.N. children's charity UNICEF reported late last year.


Up to 3,000 more girls and boys are in full-time sex work, it said, some paid for the "most horrific and abnormal acts."


"PREYING ON POVERTY?"


Emerging alongside this black market trade -- and obvious in the bars and on the sand once the sun goes down -- are thousands of elderly white women hoping for romantic, and legal, encounters with much younger Kenyan men.


They go dining at fine restaurants, then dancing, and back to expensive hotel rooms overlooking the coast.


"One type of sex tourist attracted the other," said one manager at a shorefront bar on Mombasa's Bamburi beach.


"Old white guys have always come for the younger girls and boys, preying on their poverty ... But these old women followed ... they never push the legal age limits, they seem happy just doing what is sneered at in their countries."


Experts say some thrive on the social status and financial power that comes from taking much poorer, younger lovers.


"This is what is sold to tourists by tourism companies -- a kind of return to a colonial past, where white women are served, serviced, and pampered by black minions," said Nottinghan University's Davidson.


"LIVE LIKE THE RICH"


Many of the visitors are on the lookout for men like Joseph.


Flashing a dazzling smile and built like an Olympic basketball star, the 22-year-old said he has slept with more than 100 white women, most of them 30 years his senior.


"When I go into the clubs, those are the only women I look for now," he told Reuters. "I get to live like the rich mzungus (white people) who come here from rich countries, staying in the best hotels and just having my fun."


At one club, a group of about 25 dancing men -- most of them Joseph look-alikes -- edge closer and closer to a crowd of more than a dozen white women, all in their autumn years.


"It's not love, obviously. I didn't come here looking for a husband," Bethan said over a pounding beat from the speakers.


"It's a social arrangement. I buy him a nice shirt and we go out for dinner. For as long as he stays with me he doesn't pay for anything, and I get what I want -- a good time. How is that different from a man buying a young girl dinner?"


(Editing by Daniel Wallis and Sara Ledwith)

travel tips from this blackgrrl on the go

yeah, i know. you're not me. but if you're anything like me (and who isn't!), you'll need something on this list. i intend to do quite a bit of traveling this year, so i thought i'd touch on and review my favorite grrl gear and share it with all of you.

1. flip flops. put your shoes away and put these on when you get to the airport. if you do, you'll be the one to breeze through security.


2. a well-equipped pda. it's nice to have all the information you need on a city in the palm of your hand. and other stuff too. like an up-to-the-minute currency converter. a clothes size converter. and basic phrases in a dozen languages, stuff like where's the bathroom and when is the train leaving and who do you think you are. heh. stuff like that.


3. noise-cancelling headphones. this is essential, for obvious reasons. although they're pricey, they're worth every nickel. believe me -- when you're stuck next to that bratty screaming kid, you know you'll wish you had them. i highly recommend BOSE.


4. a pocket roll-up piano. if i can get to a flat surface, i can practice the piano. amazing.
5. an ebook reader. i want one of these more than i want an iPhone. of course everybody's got their version -- sony's is beautiful, amazon's looks straight outta the 70's, like tandy manufactured it -- and everybody has drm issues. they've got to get all of that straight before i pay $299 for anything. i'm sure apple will come out with their better, more streamlined and way more expensive version and blow everyone else's completely out of the water. i don't care. the idea of taking 160 books on the road with me without having to actually tote them around is very appealing. in the meantime, instead of buying the latest crap fashion magazine at the airport kiosk, lose yourself in a graphic novel. i highly recommend Fun Home.


6. basic black tea -- preferrably Earl Grey. because somewhere in there, somebody's going to work your last nerve. you'll need a cup of tea to calm all the way down and unless you're headed for the UK, you're not going to get it. case in point: nobody seems to have any decent tea anywhere down south. (and no, Lipton doesn't even rank.) getting decent black tea (twinings, for example) is a trip and a journey. you don't walk to the bodega at the corner, new yorkers: you get in the car and drive to the piggly wiggly, the cub foods, the red & white. and then you have to find parking. and then when you get inside, you have to find the right aisle. really, it's too much. way easier to reach into my purse and pull out some lapsang souchong. (oh, and watch out for that flavored non-dairy coffee mate. it's a lu-lu.)


7. a sports bra and running shoes. because no matter where you're going, you will feel the need to hit the gym and run a mile. i eat like a longshoreman, so working out is essential.


8. of course you're bringing your laptop. but if you're without an iPod or an iPhone like me because you're not ultrapayloaded just yet, you might want to join last.fm -- if there's an internet connection, there's always a ton of great music.


9. a digital photo frame. this is a beautiful thing. all your happy moments, ever changing and at a glance. last -- and if your skin is anything like mine, certainly not least...


10. khiel's lotion, lip balm and hand cream and liquid soap. i can't even walk to the mailbox without these products. because it's a dry, dry world out there. and i'm the blackgrrl that needs moisture constantly.

more than plenty

new year's day, nyc 2008
Originally uploaded by queenesther

happy new year, world! God bless us, everyone.

i have no resolutions this year. actually, i can't remember the last time i actually made a resolution on new year's eve. i do better with an ever-changing list of goals and priorities, and a very clear head. talk doesn't cook rice.

i can say that there are three things that i have right now for which i am truly grateful:

1. a clean bill of health
2. the Godsent love in my life
3. beautiful songs that are on constant rotation in my head

for the moment, all of these things are more than plenty.

travelin' light

after a week or more of working from can't see in the morning until can't see at night, i barely made it onto an early evening flight on sunday, bound for ATL. i stood in a ticketing line for more than an hour behind some pasty middle aged woman's whiny hyperactive four-eyed brat kid, then endured a royal hazing of the highest order that included everything but a cavity search when the metal detector went off. of course, it was my rings. i refused to take them off. they treated me like a criminal. i had to wait in a tiny plexiglass closet for a female attendant with an irate nigerian woman who was wearing so much gold, she may as well have been a walking jewelry store. she cranked in right away about having to go to the bathroom, which was totally out of the question. and of course, she had no idea why they stopped her. stupid, crazy stuff. actually, once i got away from that little kid, i was fine.

of course, all of those guards and checkpoints and such gives the appearance of security -- but how secure are we in any airport? didn't some journalists smuggle weapons and sharp objects in their luggage a few years ago to show how sketchy the whole process can be? i didn't have a weapon in my luggage, but i did have a pastrami sandwich on rye. it was carefully triple wrapped in foil and placed in a zippered container and refrigerated overnight. when i put it in my brand new red samsonite luggage the next day, it felt like a meat bomb. my friend and i ran out the night before to the carnegie deli to get my 90 year old father's request. his implicit instructions? "find a jew." he came up with his entire family during the first wave of the great migration north when he was 12 and lived in coney island/brighton beach before settling deep in the heart of brooklyn with his mother and nine brothers and sisters. so i guess he'd know.

my first thought was eisenberg's because they've been around almost as long as he has and when it's time for me to have a pastrami sandwich on rye, they are my favorite spot. but of course i remembered to get it late at night when my only two options were katz's and the carnegie deli -- and since neither my friend or i were in the mood to deal with the lower east side and all the drunken hipsters that usually go with it on a friday night, it was a done deal.

i thought about that pastrami sandwich as the woman passed that wand almost apologetically between my legs, and other strategic parts of my body. if they really knew what they were doing, that sandwich wouldn't make it to my parents house. but i knew that it would. i had done this before with fred, the sizeable catfish that my friend caught in my uncle's pond on his farm. once cleaned and frozen, it fit neatly in my luggage. i turned fred into a fried catfish po' boy sandwich and we ate him during a weekend getaway to traipse down a memory lane in central new jersey, in a park that my friend had played in often as a child.

later, i got in line at starbucks like everybody else and told myself over and over that this was the last time i'd do it like this. the next time would be different, if only because i wouldn't be alone. who knows? maybe we'd drive. maybe we'd be somewhere else. maybe we wouldn't go. these were the thoughts that comforted me as i stood at the gate and waited to hear my name, like a lowly stand-by passenger, because they'd overbooked the flight so drastically. i can remember thinking, i knew that ticket was too cheap to be true. and then just like that, i was dozing off on the plane, wishing i'd smuggled something more than a sandwich on board. like maybe two sandwiches. wierd.

black santa!

i was at work late at night in the bowels of my corporate situation, eating a late night dinner with a few members of my team. inevitably, the casual conversation turned to the christmas season and how careful we had to be when sending out wintertime salutations, to not offend anyone. it was important to keep it neutral and safe, with phrases like "happy holidays" and "season's greetings." saying something like "merry christmas" was completely out of the question.

"who would be offended by santa," joe the a.d. asked broadly.

"are you kidding me?" i blurted. "i know plenty of black people down south who would be like, 'i don't want my black child thinking some white man is going to come down our chimney and give them anything.' and i'm related to quite a few of them." strangely enough, i had just spoken to my sister-in-law who was readying her first child, a four month old boy, for his first photo with santa. over her dead body would it be a white one.

the looks on all of their faces as i said this was priceless. then came variations on the inevitable "i've never thought about it like that" remark. if i've said it once, i've said it a thousand times: tact is important, but so is honesty. don't soft-pedal it with white people. when the opportunity presents itself, let them have it -- but only if you're in the mood to do a lot of explaining. they just so happened to catch me at the right moment, probably because i love black santa a lot.

then again, i was raised in ATL and i know who matthew henson is, so black santa makes a lot of sense to me.

when i go home, i'm going to take a picture with black santa. it'll be next year's christmas card. when i told my friend, he seemed genuinely sad. "i want to take a picture with black santa," he said. hm. maybe we both will.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Some parents seek out a black Santa

by Maya T. Prabhu | Staff Writer/www.gazette.net

Since 2003, the Mall at Prince Georges has hired a black Santa Claus to pose for pictures with children and adults. And since then, black families have traveled from across the county and from Washington, D.C., so their children can have pictures taken with a Santa who looks like them.

Keesha Crosby of Washington, D.C., has brought her 3-year-old son, Jayden, to take pictures with the Mall at Prince Georges’ Santa since he was born.

‘‘I bring him here because he identifies with a black Santa Claus,” she said at the mall on Saturday. ‘‘All the other media outlets publicize a Caucasian Santa Claus, and he doesn’t identify with that.”
Victoria Clark, marketing director for the Mall at Prince Georges, said because most Prince George’s County residents are black, the demographics most likely called for a black Santa.
She also acknowledged that the area’s demographics have been changing. According to U.S. Census Bureau data, black people make up 66.1 percent of Prince George’s County and Hispanic people accounted for 10.7 percent in 2005. In 2000, black people made up 62.7 of the county’s population and people of Hispanic origin made up 7.1 percent.

‘‘In the past we’ve had a Hispanic Santa, but we take it one year at a time,” she said. ‘‘So far there haven’t been any requests for a Latino Santa.”
However, Clark said she’s observed people of all backgrounds stop to take pictures with Santa.
‘‘I think that’s indicative of the fact that there are people who come out who aren’t necessarily seeking a black Santa,” she said.
Nicole Davis of Brandywine said she learned about the mall’s black Santa Claus from her sister, who has brought her children to the mall for the past few years.
‘‘This is the only location in the area that promotes an African-American Santa,” said Davis, who brought her daughter, 23-month-old Emma, to take pictures at the mall. ‘‘So we’re making it a tradition to come here every year. ... It’s important for a child to know that Santa Claus isn’t just one color.”
Jackie Irvine of Atlanta, who tagged along while her two grandsons waited for their turn to take their pictures, said she began the tradition of taking pictures with a black Santa when her daughter, Kelli Neptune, was young.
‘‘I started taking her as a child to a black Santa and I had to travel to do so,” Irvine said of Neptune. ‘‘As a cultural figure, Santa represents kindness ... and I always wanted her to associate those attributes with a Santa Claus who shared her ethnicity and culture.”
Neptune, a Bowie resident, said she’s passing the tradition to her children who she hopes will pass the tradition on to their own.
‘‘I want my children to celebrate a Santa Claus that looks like them,” she said.
And her mother said it’s important for her grandsons to be able to identify with Santa.
‘‘I’m very glad to see him here and I think there should be Santas of every ethnicity all over Metro D.C.,” she said.
Santa will be available for pictures at the Mall at Prince Georges, 3500 East West Highway, until Dec. 24. Prices range from $15.99 to $39.99.

another (commercial) audition -- antidepressants!

this was an audition at kipperman casting on friday for an anti-depressant drug that had me coming into the frame with a cup of coffee and a smile as "the black friend." (no, i'm not kidding.) bizarrely enough, i was wearing all black and they gave me the black mug (she held the white one.) at first she's depressed but then her mood changes. when it does, i enter and sit down, and then we pretend to laugh and talk as we both cheat front and "relate" to each other. it was over as soon as it started. hilarous.

no waiting, no lines. i was in and out in all of ten minutes. my white counterpart was a very pretty, wide-eyed mom-looking young mom, with sleeping baby in tow. the actress that came out of the audition room (a young black woman who had on a terrific "ethnic" wig, by the way) was kind enough to watch the baby while we went in. i remember thinking, this is how some people do it -- and why not bring the kid along? you're not in the room for very long and it's well worth it for the money you could make.

wow, what a crap shoot. the hardest part? i have to keep my hair like this for all of next week, until my agent knows that i didn't get a callback.

wouldn't it be the best christmas present ever, to land a commercial before the end of the year?

another (commercial) audition -- sculptra

this one was at house on thursday afternoon for a new product that's hitting the market soon. really caught me totally off-guard. there was no script. they simply wanted me to talk onscreen about my idea of beauty. once i settled into my chair and slated, i was asked "does a beautiful woman look like?" what a huge question. it totally took me off-guard. my immediate response was, a beautiful woman is someone who takes what she's got and makes the most of it, no matter what it is. and when that happens, every woman is beautiful. but to tell you the truth, i actually had to stop and think about it. as i explained myself, what i said surprised me.

immediately, i thought of my great-grandmother, my grandmother, my aunts, my mother -- the first women i ever knew and spent any real time with. none of them ever wore make-up or had regular spa visits and yet to this day, i think of them as the most beautiful women that i have ever known. my Godmother, my aunt doris, in her twentysomething/thirtysomething prime was prettier than most women i know now.

why, she asked. more thinking.

they were lean and strong and healthy, as i recall. my great-grandmother would work all day in more than an acre in her backyard that was filled with vegetables and fruit and flowers, and she would do this in that south carolina sunshine, the kind of heat that made me dizzy as a child. she did that almost every day without a tractor -- unthinkable then and now for a woman her age. and that's not all she did.

i don't come from heavy-set, overweight people, either. when my aunt doris got married, she had to be all of a size 4, if that. there's a balance and a lankyness to us physically. but that's not it, either.

there was that unaffected natural approach to beauty. i understood at an early age that i didn't need to do anything or get anything to be pretty. there was an emphasis on cleanliness, order in the home and staying close to God. everyone had such pretty brown skin -- so clean and clear -- no matter how old they were. it was almost as though they were saying, this is who i am. no apologies, no excuses. this is it. if you don't like it, whatever. there's a lot of power in that.

she also asked me what i thought about plastic surgery and what i thought about the way i look at my age. as i'm jump-cutting through all this verbiage in my head to give her a clear-cut answer and tell her what i really think, i'm also thinking, where is this going? what kind of a commercial is this going to be? .

in the end, i don't think they're going to call me because my hair was natural. heck -- i was natural. they could surprise me. we'll see. what i'm really wondering about are the kind of answers they got from everyone else. it felt like a dove campaign for real beauty ad, not a commercial audition for a product that "plumps up" your facial skin.

ligers?

i can't believe it. napoleon dynamite was right! there is such a thing as a liger. all this time, i thought he made it up, but no -- a liger is a lion (father) and tiger (mother). its ginormous -- twice the size of either parent. they only exist in captivity and they are wierdly beautiful. and if they are male, for some reason, they are sterile.

i can't believe i'm saying this, but i love ligers, too.

thank you very much!

thanks to a nomination by The Francis L. Holland Blog, i'm now a member of a blogging community called AfroSpear. consider this an open invitation to lose yourself in their blogroll to the left and explore.

too bad i can't blog for a living.

another day, another (commercial audition): breakfast cereal!

my agent -- all wiry and full of nervous energy and bounce -- called me yesterday talking sideways into my answering machine, like he had a question in his thoughts. he goes, "hi, bunch!" (why he calls me that is a bizarre little story. remind me to tell it to you sometime.) "there's an audition for Curves cereal," he said like he was telling me a secret, and he went on. "didn't you tell me that you just lost 15 pounds? they want you to talk about losing weight on camera. very natural. chatty. you know."

i'm listening with one ear and i'm thinking, Curves? isn't that the excercise place for, um, all those big beautiful women out there? and right on cue, he goes, "they want real women, all shapes and sizes, not just big," and then i'm thinking, what about my hair and he added, "just so you know -- your hair is fine natural, bunchie. okaaaay? call me!"

i figured why not. at this point in my on-camera life, i've figured out how to relax on camera -- no small feat. i wasn't worried about what my hair would do. it was cornrowed into a bun and therefore rendered powerless. would i oh so tame "natural" hairdo get me a callback? if i did, maybe i had a shot.

this was at house on 15th street and 10th avenue of course -- the place that cast me in my first two commercials -- so it was very much a home for me, no pun intended. i tromped through the wet sleety snow to get there. this not being my first time at the rodeo (and time being of the essence), i made a beeline for the sign-in sheet (beating three other ladies to it in the process), grabbed the lines, checked to see if someone was in the room (yup) and if there was someone ahead of me (yup again), then took off my coat and whatnot as i looked over the lines, took a picture and filled out the card it was printed on. in no time at all it was over: i was in the room, i was jovial, chatty, friendly and open. and then i was back out on the street in the snow, bewildered, not knowing how i did. i could say, i was great! but i'm not sure. i'm never sure. maybe she hated me. maybe my face wasn't relaxed enough. whatever happened in that room, i couldn't take it with me. i trudged off, and with every step, all of it mattered less and less. by the time i got home, it didn't matter at all.

here's the thing, though: my spidey sense is tingling because the palms of both my hands are itching like crazy. southern black folk, you know what that means.

i've got another audition tomorrow -- for anti-aging cream. stay tuned.