Happy Halloween!

From filmmaker Spike Jonze, handbag designer Olympia Le-Tan and director Simon Cahn comes To Die By Your Side, a beautiful short stop-motion film that happens in the famous Parisian bookstore Shakespeare and Company.

Fall Bucket List 2014 -- The Harlem Edition

Sure, I made a list like this last year but it wasn't comprehensive enough -- and it was way too generic.  Maybe this one is way too personal. No need for candy apples of any kind (I won't jeopardize my dental work!) or football (I'm only remotely interested...) or haunted houses (in other parts of the country, they're really haunted!) or hayrides, which aren't as fun as you might think.

The list above is for a suburban midwesterner.  This list isn't specific to Harlem, per se -- but I am, more or less. This neighborhood's ongoing tide of gentrification makes me feel like even more of an outsider than I did when I got here. If you're in New York City and if you're as geeky and curious and insatiable as I am, and if you're not interested in going where everyone else boldly goes, this list is definitely for you.

1. The New York Comic Con -- October 9 - 12 at the Javits Center! That's right, kids -- I'm going to the nerd prom. Wheeeeee!
2. Exhibit #1: See Prune Nourry's Terracotta Daughters at FIAF.  From the website: An army of young girls assembles in the first U.S. showing of Terracotta Daughters, a monumental exhibition of 108 life-sized and individually crafted clay sculptures that recall China’s famous Terracotta Warriors.
3. Sample the fall menu at The Cecil.  I will miss the Frogmore Stew but I am very much looking forward to the bold, inventive additions to the dim sum menu and yes, their African/Asian take on roast duck.
   
4. Do a 30 day cleanse. This time around, I'm doing The Clean Program for at least 21 days, I'll be incorporating a 7 day cleanse initially and I'll be working out. Yep -- I'm going to be a lot of fun in October.
5. Go to a drive-in movie!  Click here for a list of five movie theaters that are less than a 2 hour drive from New York City.  I'll make a picnic basket and maybe we'll catch a double feature...!
6. Go to The Halloween Parade and Pumpkin Flotilla -- October 26th, 3:30pm - 6:30pm This is way more fun than wandering through a pumpkin patch. It's a family-friendly, beautiful and yes, free annual event, sponsored by the Central Park Conservancy and it features music, arts and crafts, and glowing pumpkins, floating across the water at sundown.
7. Exhibit #2: See Chinese American: Exclusion/Inclusion at the New York Historical Society. From the website: ...explores the centuries-long history of trade and immigration between China and the United States—a history that involved New York from its very beginnings—and will raise the question “What does it mean to be an American?” The exhibit narrative extends from the late eighteenth century to the present and includes all regions of the country, thus interpreting the Chinese American saga as a key part of American history.
8. The Apollo Theater Presents Apollo Uptown Hall: The Harlem/South Africa Connection -- October 12th, 3pm. This panel discussion will feature Harry Belafonte, former Mayor David Dinkins and other notable speakers/activists. And yep, it's free.
9. Exhibit #3: The Matisse Cut-outs.  You're welcome.
   
10. Wine Tasting Series in The Balcony Lounge at The Metropolitan Museum of Art. This happens on the first weekend of every month.  And MPB says it's delicious. I have a serious thing for this lounge, anyway -- mostly because they have wifi and they let me stay for as long as I want.

Happy Halloween, Charlie Brown!

I love Adult Swim! This is Robot Chicken turning Charlie Brown's Great Pumpkin upside down. Sort of. 

Fall Bucket List 2013 -- The Harlem Edition

This list reads like it came straight out of an all-American Midwestern suburban wonderland of epic proportions. (Go on a hayride? Here? Really?) I live in New York City -- in Harlem, to be exact.  In spite of rampant gentrification and much ballyhooed "progress", this neighborhood is still a ghetto. And since I don't have gobs of money or a driver's license, I tend to have my fun whereever the subway can take me.

It's especially nice when fun can be had within walking (or biking) distance. Although I do love the idea of putting a wreath on the door for every season, I don't have a porch to decorate. And my alma mater doesn't have a football team -- or a sports team of any kind, for that matter.  So, alas -- no tailgating.

Don't get me wrong. I'm from the South. If I were home, the game would be on, delicious things would be roasting (or popping!) in the fireplace, there'd be a pie or two in the oven, and raking leaves into a massive pile over and over and over for all of us to dive onto them and roll around, screaming and laughing and freaking out would be the most fun thing to do in the history of ever.

But I'm not at home. 

All of this begs the question: if I had a Harlem bucket list for fall, what would be on it?  Well. Here it is, folks. 

1. There aren't any pumpkin patches to visit in the ghetto, unfortunately -- but Harlem Meer does have a Halloween Parade and Pumpkin Sail. That's right. At dusk, they create the biggest pumpkin flotilla in the city on the meer.  (To see how beautiful it is, click here.) 
2. Enjoy cider? No, thank you -- I'll be making my delicious, irresistable Mexican hot chocolate at the first sign of a serious cold snap.
3. I can't make a bonfire in the living room of my apartment and have s'mores -- but I can go to Cosi and make s'mores at my table, with my own little blue flames and all the fixin's.  Or if I'm feeling especially saucy, I'll order a set and have s'mores at home. Too perfect.
4. Caramel apples? Not with this dental work. Next!
5. I don't do chili. I've certainly eaten my fair share of it in my lifetime and I make better chili than anyone I know but it's not my thing. I'm from the Lowcountry.  I'd prefer to roast oysters. If I can't find a friend with a fireplace, I think I can roast a few with a hibachi in the park. (Mental note: the home I purchase will definitely have a fireplace or an "outdoor kitchen" -- or both!)
6. I bake pie all the time, anyhow. (I've got to stay in good form for my next pie contest.) Next! 
7. I give thanks to God, absolutely every single day of my life. I can't wait until Thanksgiving. There's too much to be grateful for, right now. Next!
8. There's way too many beer gardens in Harlem -- with excellent food! -- to not enjoy Oktoberfest.  Harlem Public has a fireplace, so I can check that off the bucket list in short order, too.
9. Why carve a pumpkin when I can make something with it instead? (See #6.)
10. I don't know how to drive, so going on a fall color drive isn't really an option. Instead, I'll ride my bike through Riverbank State Park, past the little red lighthouse and all the way to Fort Tryon Park -- 67 acres of lush, green wonder, filled with all kinds of flora and fauna and wildlife.  I can't go all the way up there without wandering through The Cloisters. I can take in some breathtaking scenery and medieval art and architecture, lose myself in their gardens, play in the leaves (with a camera!) and perhaps collect a few. Check, check and check.

BONUS: The Medieval Festival at Fort Tryon Park! 

Are you seriously going to eat all that Halloween candy?

when i was a kid, my brothers and i would go trick-or-treating on halloween and come home triumphantly with shopping bags full of candy. not surprisingly, my mother wouldn't let us eat any of it. and when i say any, what i really mean is none. i distinctly recall coming home from kindergarden to her snacking on quite a bit of it with her one of her girlfriends. the rest was in the trash. i distinctly remember thinking, wow -- adults can do whatever they want. i can also remember thinking that someday when i became an adult, i'd eat all my halloween candy because my mother wouldn't be there to throw it away. consequently, i couldn't wait to be an adult. frankly, i still can't.

it should be duly noted at this point that i've never had a cavity as an adult. on the other hand, one of my older brothers has a mouth that is so riddled with cavities, it looks like ants had a wild west shoot out up in there -- and then they went camping, hence the root canal. go figure.

so it was with genuine curiousity and some real interest that i absorbed an item on the local evening news tonight. get this: you can take your sweet treats to the halloween candy buy back program, sponsored by dentists. there's a little money involved but really, it's a creative exchange. you and/or your kids get hygiene kits, coupons and more. the candy goes to soldiers overseas through operation gratitude. it's a great way to give back.



of course, i'm an adult now -- so i have no intention of giving up my halloween candy, now or ever. i'm way too health conscious (and body conscious) to eat all of it -- but that won't stop me from melting down chocolate for cakes and pies (and mexican hot chocolate!), crushing candy bars for homemade ice cream and sticking whatever i don't use in the freezer. (did you know that unopened frozen dark chocolate will last indefinitely?)

for your viewing pleasure

now that october is upon us, it's time for halloween: stocking up on candy for the kiddies that may stop by or the neighborhood thugs that will invariably bang on the door; pulling together a costume from out of your own closet so you won't have to get something generic and pricey from ricky's; haunted houses that really scare you; and scary movies that sometimes freak you out way after the fact.

halloween is one of the nights i almost always stay home if i'm in new york city. everything seems so safe these days, even in the ghetto. but it's still new york city, no matter how sanitized everything is. i mean, honestly. if you want the suburbs, move to long island.

there are a lot of scary movies out there -- this is a list of 50 of the (supposedly) most popular ones of all time -- but nothing is more frightening to most folks than the truth. with that in mind, here's a few documentaries to consider when it's time to make some kettlecorn and dim the lights.

ah, yes -- h.h. holmes: america's first serial killer. at first glance, he looks a little too much like daniel day-lewis' bill the butcher, blue eyes and all. the bestseller the devil in the white city entwines his gorey antics with daniel h. burnham, the architect of the chicago world's fair. i don't know what creeped me out more -- the elaborate hotel he built to efficiently murder travelers or the fact that he tortured, killed and dissected small animals as a child.



this one is pretty disturbing -- the iceman interviews. with an expressionless face, infamous mob hitman richard kuklinski recounts one murder after another in this unaffected monotone that should guarantee at least one solid nightmare after viewing. you know what's really creepy? this guy spent his last few years of freedom with his wife and three children in a new jersey suburb.



...and of course, no halloween eve should end without ed gein: the ghoul of plainfield. if you don't know who this is, you are the unibomber, living in a cave, cut off from society and all that rot. can you believe ed died in 1984? i mean, wow. that's kind of recent...

watch out -- this one is hella graphic. (sure, it's halloween when you'll see this so you're expecting gore of some kind. i'm jus' sayin'...)




any creepy documentaries on your list? please recommend a few. i'm always looking for more...

All Hallows Eve in the Big City

when i moved to new york city, i was as green as spring corn.

to protect me, my brothers would arbitrarily spew weird bits of flotsam about how to conduct myself in the city, for safety's sake. i distinctly recall promising them a thousand times over that i would never leave our harlem apartment on three particular nights -- new year's eve, the fourth of july, and halloween. and although i said it so they'd stop hassling me about it, in time i realized that staying home on those nights was a very smart thing to do. oh, sure -- there were moments when some friend would invite me downtown to some party or something. i almost always regretted it, though. i'd rather be at home watching a marathon of movies or tv shows or documentaries about ghosts or whatever.

when halloween falls on a weekend, it's especially hellish. this year, i got a reprieve. sort of.

on my end of the ghetto, children dress up and stay in the buildings that they live in and roam the hallways, knocking on doors and screaming. they are adorable. one year, i forgot that it was halloween and when i heard a knock, i threw the door open and all these little munchkins were all dressed up and staring at me. hard. i had to tell them that i had a gig and i forgot it was halloween. in spanish. (they probably thought i was a witch. or an idiot. or both.)

and then of course, there was the year that everyone got a kinderegg (my favorite!) because my german friend joe sent a box of them from berlin. i went a little overboard with that one, but after that no candy debacle, i had to redeem myself somehow.

(actually, my favorite chocolates are richart. but i digress.)

this year, my friend and i are going to get all american candy that he likes so he can enjoy munching on whatever we don't give away. fun.

halloween falls on a wednesday this year, so there was a lot of costumed revelry to wade through last weekend. all of it was tacky, racist and stupid. remarkably, i didn't see any children parading around. evidently, the stats say that this has definitely turned into an adult party event all the way across the board, with an anticipated $5 billion in revenue this year ($2.2 billion of that is candy, folks) and right behind the superbowl and new year's eve in popularity. why?

i always thought that the costume was a reflection of the inner self. after this weekend, i think everybody ran through the back end of ricky's when they realized they couldn't get into the party they were invited to without a costume and grabbed whatever wasn't too picked over.
white girls in their street clothes wearing afro wigs with fake gold teeth and talkin' "jive" -- that's like having a sign on your back that says please bitchslap me. and that goes double for the mexican costume that has you on a donkey, like juan valdez. seriously.



this is called "funny mexican costume". too bad they didn't have any drunken white girl/boy outfits. what do you think those look like? then again, my friend says that one year when he was bartending at the slipper room, he dressed up as a preppy drunken frat boy with a bullet hole in the middle of his forehead, so i guess you can always d.i.y.

if anyone asks me where my costume is, i'm going to point at my clothes and say, this is it. and i'm going to mean it. (you should dress up like a kitty, my friend says. maybe i'll get some ears and surprise him.)

can you imagine running around looking like a "funny mexican" in spanish harlem? they're not that stupid. they save it for the neighborhoods they feel safe in. like chelsea. and times square. and the upper west side. and to be totally honest with you, this reminds me of when i was an undergrad at UT (Austin) and i lived in west campus. i was literally surrounded by greek houses and jillions of well-manicured and priveleged frat boys and sorority girls. it seemed like every weekend, they were having keggers and getting dressed up for some racist theme party or another. many is the day when i would wake up on a saturday and walk through the neighborhood to see frat boys curled up on somebody's lawns, wearing a sombrero or an afro or God knows what all, with those freaking crappy docksiders on, and covered in a moist blanket of their own vomit.

Lord. would someone please tell me what's so great about those stupid boating shoes?

don't get me wrong. i like halloween (when i can remember it). i just don't like being surrounded by white people who dress up and behave like racial stereotypes because they think it's a fun thing to do.

it's so much easier to stay home.