the waiting is the hardest part

like the rest of the world, i'm on the verge of getting through the first week of the year and although there's a lot of flurry and activity that's just out of reach, nothing seems to be happening. maybe it's the inevitable letdown from having finally finished the jazz cd. maybe i'm not practicing the piano enough. or what i'm doing is just enough to frustrate me, because my ideas far outweigh my ability to play. maybe it's because my goals and priorities have tipped forward so drastically that everything inside me is running ahead of whatever seems to be going on. maybe i'm just bored. or impatient. yeah, i'm definitely impatient.

i feel like a lady in waiting. and in the immortal words of tom petty, the waiting is the hardest part.

so i'm occupying myself with busy work. i'm organizing my apartment. i'm gathering and itemizing receipts. i'm chipping away at fragments of songs. i'm salivating over recipes in bon apetit magazine, wondering which one i'll make next. i'm practicing the guitar - and trying to practice the piano. i'm daydreaming. i'm working out everyday like some kind of a highbrow lowgrade triathlete, because i really want to be as lean and strong as i can, with energy to spare. i'm auditioning and auditioning and auditioning. i'm oversleeping.

am i really all that productive? i can't tell. i'm probably running in place. at this point, i'm so out of it, i don't care if i'm getting anywhere or not. i'm just grateful that i'm burning a few calories.

who knows - maybe i'll snap out of this strange malaise when the cd gets here. estimated time of arrival is january 15.

boy howdy. am i going to do the buck and wing all over harlem when they get here or what.